Author Archives: didofoot
Beat it
“We’re going to be so miserable in about two minutes,” I said, as our air conditioned car glided through Napa’s excrutiating heat wave, two minutes away from our destination. “Let’s see how bad it is,” said the Lad, turning off the air conditioning and opening all the windows. Sean and I were shocked and awed … Continue reading
Howard who?
Like many of my clove smoking college brethren, I’m having a hard time understanding politics these days. I decided to do a little research to try and get a handle on things. The Moms is strongly in favor of Howard Dean, and pretty much has threatened to disown me if I don’t vote for him, … Continue reading
Dear Johnny,
I hear you wrote good songs And I’m sorry that you’ve stopped Now I’ll never get to write to you In my celebrity writing workshop Now I won’t see you play concerts Or jam live on MTV Because the wake of nine-eleven Has swept you out to sea Sure, I don’t own your albums But … Continue reading
My too much fun is not having enough
This weekend I found a Waiters On Wheels catalogue which lists dozens and dozens of wonderful restaurants that are willing to deliver right to my very door. To a semi-agoraphobic, this catalogue is crack cocaine. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that all my friends told me I had a drinking problem, … Continue reading
I will be Rachel
The Lad and I are fast approaching our one year anniversary. Last September I told myself that if I was still happy in this relationship at the end of a year then we should move in together. Oddly, this cohabitation has not come to pass exactly how I pictured it. Instead of the Lad, I … Continue reading
From back when I had time to read anything but school books
Dear David Foster Wallace: I’m trucking through Infinite Jest for the second time, even though it’s hard to read on the subway. My nearly-symmetrically-named friend Sean Keane has a theory that the jest the title refers to is that the book goes on and on with an all you can eat buffet of footnotes but … Continue reading
Dear Ducky,
Happy birthday, circus person. I’ve known you for about eighteen years, roughly 39,420 butterfly lifetimes, and we still love each other. I think that is pretty neat. I can’t wait to see you this weekend. Thank you for your time, you’ve been a great audience. I would like to end this special birthday blog with … Continue reading
School. Yup. Neat.
I start school again on Wednesday. My excitement about this is a rock-colored throat goblin. It uses my uvula for monkey bars and does a perfect dismount onto my dry tongue. It takes naps curled like a hedgehog against the warmth of my glottis. It eats my breath for breakfast and leaves me wheezing like … Continue reading
Red Alert in the Nation of Me
The Nation of Me has been placed on red alert by the President today after a double terrorist attack left citizen shaken and afraid. The Nation was hit by illicit hugs twice today, once shortly after noon, and again at one o’clock. Sources close to the President have suggested that the hugs may have been … Continue reading
A Big Top Fairy Tale
Friends, you have read many of my complaints about my frustrating government job at a certain unnamed California university. Well this week, I finally decided to do something about it. I joined the circus. After an eight hour intensive course in acrobatics, I auditioned for the Cirque du Soleil’s new show, Zut!, a controversial acrobatic … Continue reading