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Red Alert in the Nation of Me

Posted by on August 18, 2003

The Nation of Me has been placed on red alert by the President today after a double terrorist attack left citizen shaken and afraid. The Nation was hit by illicit hugs twice today, once shortly after noon, and again at one o’clock. Sources close to the President have suggested that the hugs may have been the result of the recent lunch date agreement formed between the Nation of Me and neighboring country Tracyland. According to the terms of this agreement, the two nations would meet and have lunch today, possibly at Smart Alec’s on Telegraph. Though the agreement did not specifically forbid the use of hugs, the Nation of Me’s stance on hug imports has been given wide coverage in the press and has been internationally accepted.

Tracyland’s refusal to heed the hug ban led to an emergency meeting between the President and key advisors after the lunch date. The President emerged from the meeting with a declaration that Tracyland and its citizen should now be considered hostile, and due precautions should be taken. “The hug attacks today were swift and merciless,” said the President in this afternoon’s press conference. “Tracyland grabbed and squeezed with impunity. I urge all citizen to stay clear of tattoo parlors, vegan restaurants, Dwinelle Hall, and other locations which Tracylander is known to frequent.”

The President’s announcement has thrown the citizen of the Nation into a storm of controversy. Though the majority of the citizen is anti-hug, Tracyland has long been considered a friendly nation, and a key supplier of emotional support and occasional free lunch imports to the Nation. Many liberal citizen is wondering what will be next. A ban on West Michele? War with Ladada?

So far the President has not responded to the concerns of the citizenry, but has declared today to be a day of mourning for the citizen caught in the hug attack, and plans to reveal the details of a new anti-hug strategy later in the week.

Related Stories:

Press Release: President Announces Anti-Hug Campaign

Press Release: Foreign Response to Anti-Hug Campaign

4 Responses to Red Alert in the Nation of Me

  1. tracy

    The citizen of Tracyland will NEVER……i repeat NEVER stop the love bullying. The love must be passed on when it wells up inside. Cuz the Nation of Tracyland adores the Nation of Me.

    So…….El Presidente, you have been warned. I declare it so.

  2. jade

    The Coucil of Academia attacks the President of the Nation of Me, declaring the President of said Nation must, inherently, have done something to provoke the known-to-be-friendly Nation of Tracyland, thereby causing the love bullying and defiance of hug sanctions. Academics suspect that, most likely, the President has secretly been employing Weapons of Utter Cuteness.

    The Academics hereby register their general discontent with the President’s tactics of blame-shifting and intend to fill many journals with publications on the matter. The Academic Elders are planning to walk around with brandy snifters and cigars, sniffing haughtily with their displeasure, while their apprentices stage walks and candlelight vigils in protest.

  3. didofoot

    Sources close to the Council have leaked that some apprentices also intend to refer to the works of Noam Chomsky, while lacking any familiarity with said works. Dangerously idealistic apprentices may be identified by their linen pants, earnest expressions, and dirt.

  4. tracy

    that’s totally it!! you provoked me with the CUTE. you should be ashamed. i had no option but to attack with hugs.

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