The Nation of Me has been placed on red alert by the President today after a double terrorist attack left citizen shaken and afraid. The Nation was hit by illicit hugs twice today, once shortly after noon, and again at one o’clock. Sources close to the President have suggested that the hugs may have been the result of the recent lunch date agreement formed between the Nation of Me and neighboring country Tracyland. According to the terms of this agreement, the two nations would meet and have lunch today, possibly at Smart Alec’s on Telegraph. Though the agreement did not specifically forbid the use of hugs, the Nation of Me’s stance on hug imports has been given wide coverage in the press and has been internationally accepted.
Tracyland’s refusal to heed the hug ban led to an emergency meeting between the President and key advisors after the lunch date. The President emerged from the meeting with a declaration that Tracyland and its citizen should now be considered hostile, and due precautions should be taken. “The hug attacks today were swift and merciless,” said the President in this afternoon’s press conference. “Tracyland grabbed and squeezed with impunity. I urge all citizen to stay clear of tattoo parlors, vegan restaurants, Dwinelle Hall, and other locations which Tracylander is known to frequent.”
The President’s announcement has thrown the citizen of the Nation into a storm of controversy. Though the majority of the citizen is anti-hug, Tracyland has long been considered a friendly nation, and a key supplier of emotional support and occasional free lunch imports to the Nation. Many liberal citizen is wondering what will be next. A ban on West Michele? War with Ladada?
So far the President has not responded to the concerns of the citizenry, but has declared today to be a day of mourning for the citizen caught in the hug attack, and plans to reveal the details of a new anti-hug strategy later in the week.