General
I don’t want a take-back
Last night, the Lad got us free tickets from KALX to see Minnie Driver perform at the Great American. If you’re wondering whether she can sing, I’ll tell you: it is decidedly so. Are her songs interesting at all? Well, outlook does not look good there. Sure, she’s tall, she likes wearing shorts, but can … Continue reading
Didofoot Reads The News, Part 3
See Part 1, Part 2 Hotel Strikes Interrupt Sleep Of White Children: Neighborhood Outraged “With psychological warfare, they are driving the neighbors nutty,” [a neighbor] said. “That noise is not helping their cause, and it’s only destroying the life of a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. Why do they do it? To what end?” Fireball Erupts … Continue reading
The Unbearable Triteness of Being (in a relationship with me)
When we first moved in together, I frequently pretended to be a hedgehog (in order to demonstrate to the Lad what a fun pet a hedgehog could be for us). From there I moved on to being an elephant, a goat, and a yeti. I also sometimes walk up to him soberly like I have … Continue reading
See Holohan’s title. Rinse, repeat.
Another election come and gone. I console you Bush haters with this thought: America can survive this. We survived the Reagan years, after all. (Though much of Central America, tragically, did not.) Just be sure that for the next four years you are careful not to be gay, poor, a woman, or of color. And … Continue reading
Wait til I tell you what the Smurfs were about…
“What most people don’t realize,” I said, “is that Strawberry Shortcake is the modern version of an ancient Roman fertility goddess to whom strawberries were sacred.” “I thought it was a doll named after a dessert?” said whoever I was talking to. “Sure, they had to mainstream her,” I said, “but think about it: dessert? … Continue reading
A guy walks into an office and says…
This guy just walked into my office. He was about student age, dressed in student clothes, and clutching some student-type documentation, but was not actually a student. “Do you know where I can get help with Microsoft Access?” he asked. “Next door,” I said. Our office is right next to the computer guys, so we … Continue reading
I’ll put a cap in his ass, all right.
So there’s this guy at work who about a year ago I made the mistake of teasing about his hat. I think it was one of those safari hats which I myself am so fond of, but it might have been a cowboy hat or a baseball hat or even a viking helmet, I don’t … Continue reading
Sock puppets, but not the Flea kind
My parents finally got a new dog who they’ve named after Sean’s youngest sister. It’s my hope that this mortal insult will make his family return our Scattergories game. So far it’s not working, though it’s possible that neighborhood gossip just hasn’t reached their house yet. Our Molly is another black lab mix, which leads … Continue reading
By the pricking of my thumbs…
The past few days have been full of portents. Spiders, blood, and at Wednesday’s poker game I kept winning with the dead man’s hand. Then this morning I came biking toward myself on Hearst, and the biker’s face didn’t resolve itself into a stranger’s until just before the bike passed me. Yet, weirdly, absolutely nothing … Continue reading
A brief description of President Bush as if he were my sub-par breakfast muffin
Thick, kind of crumby, and (judging from the stains on the bag), has strong ties to the oil industry. Makes me sick to my stomach with artificialness. Expensive. Cleverly packaged. Usually surrounded by at least eleven others of the same type. Horribly dense. Bad for children and other living things. And to make it worse, … Continue reading