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I’ll put a cap in his ass, all right.

Posted by on October 22, 2004

So there’s this guy at work who about a year ago I made the mistake of teasing about his hat. I think it was one of those safari hats which I myself am so fond of, but it might have been a cowboy hat or a baseball hat or even a viking helmet, I don’t remember. Specifically, the exchange was:

Me: So what’s with the hat?

Him: I’m not interested in being friends with someone who judges me by my hat.

(And I know, because I put it in an email to Michele right after it happened.)

Anyway, ever since then he has been giving me the silent treatment whenever he comes into the office (where he doesn’t work, but only visits occasionally to pick things up). To a meek and delicate-spirited person such as myself, this is pretty horrible. He always makes a point of saying hello and making polite small-talk with every other person in the office, but he won’t even look me in the eye.

Was it really the hat thing, I wonder? Or is there some ineffable awfulness about me which only he can smell? (If you can smell it too, Reader, I don’t want to hear about it.) It’s doubly odd because prior to the hat comment, we were friends, in an office way. We used to have these pleasant half hour talks whenever he came in, about his family and girlfriend and my school and boyfriend and so on. Then all at once, complete unwillingness to acknowledge me.

At first I tried, like a fawning dog, to change the course of this weirdness by greeting him myself, trying to force him into eye contact, etc., because I can’t stand having anyone dislike me. To quote the immortal Clueless, I was brutally rebuffed. So now I just want revenge. For a year, this guy has been walking into MY space and making me feel like shit whenever he wants to. How can I best kick some respect into his helmeted head? Help me out here.

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