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Wait til I tell you what the Smurfs were about…

Posted by on November 1, 2004

“What most people don’t realize,” I said, “is that Strawberry Shortcake is the modern version of an ancient Roman fertility goddess to whom strawberries were sacred.”

“I thought it was a doll named after a dessert?” said whoever I was talking to.

“Sure, they had to mainstream her,” I said, “but think about it: dessert? Baking? Bun in the oven? Fertility. Do you think it’s a coincidence?”


“And consider the significance of the strawberry,” I said, warming up. “If this were a body part, what would it be? Small, red? What body part has been compared to rosebuds and cherries and so on? I’ll give you a hint: Eve Ensler would know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“So, Strawberry Shortcake is…”

“A cunt goddess. That’s right.”

“So what about My Little Ponies? What’s the story there?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked…”

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