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Me and E
Editor’s Note, written on August 28, 2008: This entry is a made-up story about meeting Elliott Smith. It definitely never happened. Please also note that I wrote this entry long before he died, so what looks like kind of a callous lie now was just a normal daydream back then. I understand some folks are … Continue reading
Nothing rhymes with “papaya scent.”
Last night I said, “You make me glow like a sparrow.” “Sparrows don’t glow.” “Like the ghost of a sparrow.” “Oh, that kind of sparrow.” “You make me glow like a dead sparrow,” I said, pleased. “I try.” I showered in his shower for the first time yesterday. It was amazingly painless for a boy … Continue reading
E-mail tested, mother approved.
This happened when I was living in Santa Cruz and unhappy and plagued with enormous, fluid-filled pimples on every visible surface and cutting all my classes and crying a lot. I was sitting in my room fighting with my Syntax homework when the phone rang. I said Hello hello hello and no one said anything; … Continue reading
An obligatory holiday post:
Tomorrow, I am a cook. It is regrettable for a number of reasons. The reason it is regrettable is that I cannot cook really and the number of reasons it is regrettable is one. My most important job this year is that I have to beat on the turkey until it stops crying and plays … Continue reading
In New York, you can get Triscuits delivered.
Alittle bit drunk. A little bit fdurnk. A little biut drinuk. So here’s some birds of the Bay Area: Marbled Godwit Least Tern Black-crowned Night Heron Cinnamon Teal Bufflehead Duck You will like that, I thinkso. My friends, today in the quad at school were a couple of guys with waist-high reproductions of pictures of … Continue reading
Kate Hepburn on a motorbike; let my Hepburn go.
I finally got to ride on The Lad’s motorbike this weekend. His spare helmet is too big for me so it tends to wobble around on my head a lot; I probably look like a Parkinson’s sufferer from the outside. On the first ride we took he reminded me to lean with the driver into … Continue reading
Oh I just told the biggest fly.
Overheard this yesterday, from a Happy Couple: GIRL: So are you coming over tonight or not? BOY: Not sure yet. GIRL: Well I need to know, so I know whether to dress up or not. BOY: (Amused) You don’t have to dress up for me still. GIRL: (Convinced) Oh yes I do. BOY: And why … Continue reading
Viking in the sack
Outside my office window I’m watching a boy with no arms. He’s dressed pretty nicely for an armless boy. His shirt has all its buttons fastened and he’s wearing shoes with laces. Is it possible he put all this on using only prehensile toes and strong teeth? Then again, he’s walking with his girlfriend. Maybe … Continue reading
Nobody sees the grannies.
“Come here,” said my coworker. “I want to see what size you are.” “Scooby Doo noise of inquiry,” I said (mmmrrrruh?) as she grabbed my waist and spun me around so my back was to her. “Fievel squeak of outrage!” I said, as she pulled out the waistband of my skirt so she could peer … Continue reading