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Viking in the sack

Posted by on August 1, 2002

Outside my office window I’m watching a boy with no arms. He’s dressed pretty nicely for an armless boy. His shirt has all its buttons fastened and he’s wearing shoes with laces. Is it possible he put all this on using only prehensile toes and strong teeth? Then again, he’s walking with his girlfriend. Maybe she helps him. Would it be hard not to pity someone who couldn’t dress himself? How can you have a relationship based on pity? Maybe he’s a viking in the sack though. What happens when they break up? How much harder would it be to be alone if you’re that guy?

I’ve got it good, I’m sitting here thinking. I’ve got all my arms. No one is looking out their office window at me wondering how I get my buttons fastened. No one looks the other way when they see me walking down the street, except if I have food on my face or am talking to myself.

Yep, I’m sitting here thinking, good is how I have it. It’s great to have arms and be able to play baseball and write a blog. Then I look down again at the boy, who has pulled his arms out of his sweatshirt where he was warming them and wrapped them around his girlfriend.

Stupid bastard. I wish I was in a relationship. Some people have all the luck.

6 Responses to Viking in the sack

  1. Jacob

    See how fun that was? Whether or not it was a lie, I ran through the full gamut of human emotions while reading it. I cried when I first read about the poor armless boy. I cheered when you speculated that he was a viking in the sack. And I laughed when he took his arms out of his sweatshirt. I was a little hungry when you talked about having food on your face.

    And here you were going to quit blogging…..

  2. tracy

    oh, genius. Kris rules my blogging universe.

    I was sad when he pulled his arms out of his sweatshirt because I was going to sell the movie idea to Todd Solondz. The no armed boy who was a viking in the sack. GENIUS!!!!

  3. michele

    there was this guy who came into the bookstore once and he had no arms, though he did have hands they were just attached at his shoulders. but he wrote a check to pay for his books and carried them out and i was pretty amazed. ahem yes. my armless viking man story for the day.

  4. marc

    i once pulled the arms off a daddy longleg. i was young and misguided then.

    once i went to find him, his family, or anyone who could listen to my apology, my regret, but all hope of this had floated with the wind. it was later that i had heard through sources connected to the fly that he died, and his family moved back to mexico to roam the lettuce fields.

    i hope they’ll forgive me. i was young and misquided then.

  5. didofoot

    what you didn’t know is that those were fake arms – he was hiding his real arms in his sweatshirt until you went away.

  6. marc

    damn you, daddy longleg!

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