General
Legs from here to Sunday
At last, miniskirts are back in style. I and my beautiful legs have been waiting 24 years for this and yesterday we road-tested our brand new skirt in the great out of doors. I wobbled all over the neighborhood on my high-heeled boots, enviously staring at the beautiful men gliding along effortlessly in their five-inch … Continue reading
I’d like to thank the fans, if we had any…
I was surprised and delighted to receive my recent Oscar for my moving portrayal of A Screaming Victim in the sleeper hit Superfreaks! The awards committee held a special session to issue the award after Superfreaks! finished its limited run in Taiwan. Thanks to everyone who made this possible, but especially Stan, my loving husband … Continue reading
Neither Nakedness nor Orgying
I got invited to Melanie’s house for a party in my honor. (I assume all parties are in my honor unless the host specifically tells me otherwise.) The evite listed several names I didn’t know, so it was tough to know what to expect. Should I be sexy? Demure? Would there be charades? Would there … Continue reading
2004
The Lad’s non-party turned out to be a cracking good time, as you can see from the lesbians. Also, champagne! But I might have been an idiot. Happily, I spent most of the evening talking to Kati Vol, whose natural exuberance was perfectly matched by my garrulous drunkenness. I have no memory of our conversation, … Continue reading
A Citrus-Flavored Threat
I was just copied on an interoffice memo warning me that the nation (of the U.S., not of the Me) is currently at an Orange Level Threat Alert. Here are some of the precautions that the memo suggests I take: “Report all suspicious activity and persons to UC Police at 911 e.g. conspicuous or unusual … Continue reading
The Old Navy Rides Again
My cowboy-boss on why the professors have to work so hard on their research: “The problem with the world is that we’ve all gotten complacent, and now the Old Navy will no longer bring us things. See, back in ancient China, I mean we’re talking 800, 1000 B.C., the Old Navy used to come all … Continue reading
A Big Antenna
My cowboy boss, now sober, explained the way of the world recently. “See, the Chinese believe that everything that has ever existed is still around. I mean, not modern Chinese – the ancient Chinese believed it. Thoughts, words, everything is still there, floating around. When you think you’re having a creative thought, you’re really just … Continue reading
Elves
I began to present my cowboy boss with the time travel theory, but as soon as I got to my first premise (you cannot just JUMP through time; you have to travel through every second of it) he began to argue with me. “Listen,” he said, “the theory that time is divided up into these … Continue reading
What I Learned in Astronomy
The fact is, this time machine that I built is never going to work until I get the super computer running. Consider: when you travel through time, you stay in one place spatially and just move through years. But it’s not like a tesseract or a jump: you have to move through every second of … Continue reading
Feature Presentation
All day today, the only sentence I can think is this one: We’re only afraid of Christopher Walken.