Author Archives: didofoot
In the snogg
When I woke up this morning, the sentence streaming over and over again through my brain was this: ‘Fraid to put your meanie and crockett in the snogg??? It sounds like spam, doesn’t it? Now even my brain is registered to receive junk mail. Here’s what else I woke up thinking: On a street across … Continue reading
And another thing…
“Good morning,” says the professor in a heavy French accent. “Good morning,” I say, in just my plain old voice. “You see,” he says, “people are so rude.” And he reads me a note one of his students has written him. I agree that it is rude. “But language comes from the body, you know?” … Continue reading
Viking in the sack
Outside my office window I’m watching a boy with no arms. He’s dressed pretty nicely for an armless boy. His shirt has all its buttons fastened and he’s wearing shoes with laces. Is it possible he put all this on using only prehensile toes and strong teeth? Then again, he’s walking with his girlfriend. Maybe … Continue reading
White Man Tagging
Is blogging just reality TV for nerds? You know my celibacy status and the names of my friends. Who are you people, anyway? Blogging is the most banal graffiti ever and the only way to make it in any way interesting is to lie. Because here is a true fact: anyone who’s actually leading an … Continue reading
Sixteen Days
cel-i-bate n. One who abstains from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. One who is unmarried. Usage Note: Historically, celibate means only “unmarried.” Its use to mean “abstaining from sexual intercourse” is a 20th-century development. But the new sense of the word seems to have displaced the old, and the use of celibate … Continue reading
1, 2, 3, EVERYBODY!
Trying to work through my listlessness enough to respond to Jacob’s wicked cool fiction. Why so listless, though? The weather is also listless, and Maggie tells me I am more influenced by the weather than anyone she knows. I like having this distinction – any superlative is better than nothing. All I strive to be … Continue reading
1000 blank white cards.
Nobody goes to links and I understand that. But if you are my friend and cool, you should go here because I really think we should try this game sometime soon. Now here’s a nice quote from a random site which relates to Devil Bunny Wants a Ham, which I believe (without ever having played … Continue reading
Nobody sees the grannies.
“Come here,” said my coworker. “I want to see what size you are.” “Scooby Doo noise of inquiry,” I said (mmmrrrruh?) as she grabbed my waist and spun me around so my back was to her. “Fievel squeak of outrage!” I said, as she pulled out the waistband of my skirt so she could peer … Continue reading
Here, smell this nail.
Yesterday I saw a pregnant woman walking across campus. I looked at the small, quiet bulge of her stomach and thought about the tiny little fetus floating around in there who was examining her insides with bulging frog eyes and then I thought PARASITE! PARASITE! Eugh. So I guess that fantasy is over with. Now … Continue reading
Trolls for Freedom, Freedom for Trolls
“Hi,” said Frank this morning. “Your hair is dirty.” “Hi,” I said, “yes. Thank you.” KA-POW! Shrapnel. “I’ll put it up then,” I said. “You’ve made me nervous about it now.” “Don’t be so nervous all the time,” he said, “it’s fucking annoying.” As if I were some squirrelly creature he was constantly having to … Continue reading