Author Archives: didofoot
Run, we’re being chased and we’re communists
The Matrix II. This will have spoilers, PLEASE don’t read it until you see the movie. Ready? Okay. The Matrix was fun. Anyone who’s heard Sean’s theories about the little red pill and the communist Wachowski brothers will have noticed the Oracle’s little red candy with satisfaction. I missed Tank, I missed Switch, I missed … Continue reading
Run, we’re being chased by communists
Until I was four, my best friend’s name was Ian McDonald and he lived across the street from me. We spent most days in and out of each others’ back yards, pretending to be private detectives. He was pretty much willing to believe the things that I told him were true (the playhouse is our … Continue reading
A red bandana and a golden retriever named Honey
This is not how I imagined it, not paperwork, and not picking up soda cans at conferences, and not mustached men standing way too close to me in an elevator with only the two of us to fill it. I’ll sell my car and buy a truck and a dog, I swear to god, I’ll … Continue reading
(This is not) a long, amusing story about meeting Barbara Bush
In a letter to Henry Miller, my best friend Anais Nin wrote the following: “I have become an idiot like Gertrude Stein. That’s what love does to intelligent women. They cannot write letters anymore.” Love like that makes you smoke American Spirits and shave your head, but real love comes like a witty houseguest and … Continue reading
Letter to Leto
Dear Jared: I’m glad we got a chance to connect in Indio on Saturday. Like Hamlet says, verily, after all these years, it’s nice to finally be able to put a face to the name. I thought our meeting was very productive, and I’d just like to review a few of the key bullet points … Continue reading
Jordan and the Easter Bunny
On Saturday night, a drunken older woman who would identify herself only as “your favorite Easter bunny” gave Michele and I two all-access backstage passes for Coachella. After checking to make sure they were not laced with a strange zombie drug or other contraband, we strapped them on and headed for the elite zone. It’s … Continue reading
Fire!
I had to call 911 because a workman busted up his arm when he broke a window. I got to wait outside for the emergency people. Cops AND an ambulance AND a firetruck. It was so exciting because everyone was handsome, even the girls. I made sure to wear my hair down before they got … Continue reading
The Castro was just below my elbow
Last night I dreamt I had a map of the city tattooed on my right arm, with all the neighborhoods filled in with different colors. It was so beautiful. All day I have been eyeing my bare and boring right arm with speculation. But this tattoo was the city, and when KTV and her bike … Continue reading
My First Transgender Dog
Last night I went to my volunteer orientation for PAWS, where I was recruited to help build their float for the Pride Parade (I am going to try SO hard to be on the float) and help out at the doggie prom. A float and a prom. It’s my senior year of high school all … Continue reading