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Jordan and the Easter Bunny

Posted by on April 29, 2003

On Saturday night, a drunken older woman who would identify herself only as “your favorite Easter bunny” gave Michele and I two all-access backstage passes for Coachella. After checking to make sure they were not laced with a strange zombie drug or other contraband, we strapped them on and headed for the elite zone.

It’s amazing how cool you feel being on the other side of the polo field. We wandered around in a daze, chickening out on talking to the Blue Man Group whose set had just finished. Then we went and watched the Beastie Boys for a while, but from the special side of the fence. (You had to have a better Easter bunny than ours to get onstage with the Beastie Boys.)

While we were standing there, Jared Leto walked by. Some of you may remember him as “Angelface” from Fight Club, while the ladies in the house probably know him as the incredibly sexy thug Jordan Catalano from the series “My So-Called Life,” the boy that Claire Danes’ character stalked in every episode. As he walked by, he glanced up at me just in time to see my eyes widen and my face assume the attractively slack-jawed expression common to celebrity sightings. He was so impressed that he and his (guy) friend walked much faster past me.

I grabbed Michele’s arm and dragged her off the ledge where we were standing and began to follow him. “That was Jordan Catalano, and we have to follow him now and speak to him or I will never forgive myself!” I hissed. This came out as “Nguh!”

Having known me long enough to crack my code phrases instantly, Michele allowed herself to be yanked along but said “Dood, I know who you think that is, but it’s really not. I saw him, too. It’s not him.”

“Gruh,” I said, and kept walking.

We followed him (and unfamous friend) around to the more populated elite area nearer the stage, and just managed to avoid following him into the Portapotty. (Jordan Catalano pees!) When he came out, Michele said “Oh my God, that is him.” We watched as he tried to get up on stage and was politely rebuffed by a security guard. (Let’s face it: “My So-Called Life” was a long time ago.) After having witnessed his rejection I felt brave enough to approach him for a picture, but was beaten to the punch by two girls who came up and started glad-handing him. They were both way cuter than me, and had the added attraction of not having been visibly stalking him for the past five minutes, but he was totally uninterested in them and kept trying to break away. I walked over anyway.

This is my big moment, by the way. Read carefully or you will miss it.

Jordan Catalano looked over at me as I was approaching shyly. He wore the face that he used to wear all the time when Angela would approach him shyly in a scene, the face that said “Even though you are Claire Danes, I am completely uninterested in you, and I find your interest in me to be inappropriate and embarrassing.”

“Hi,” he said, exactly the same way he used to say it to Angela in just such a scene.

“Hi,” I squeaked. I then turned around and sped back to Michele and she walked me around in small circles for awhile (in full sight of him, unfortunately) until I could breathe normally. Meanwhile, in Jordan Catalano land, Jordan Catalano was leaning against the fence and smoking, just like he used to do in the popular series “My So-Called Life.” (Quote from Angela in same: [thoughtfully] “It’s the way he leans.”) I almost died of sex appeal.

This is an example of how Jordan Catalano looks when he wants you to go away from him – the way he looked at me:

jaredgoaway.jpg

This is how Jordan Catalano looks at attractive girls who wisely pretend not to know who he is:

jaredlikesyou.jpg

12 Responses to Jordan and the Easter Bunny

  1. michele

    later on when kristen collapsed on the ground at the sheer enormity of it all, she was expressing strongly how exciting it was but at the same time how:

    “he’s JUST jared leto. he hasn’t done anything in ages. he’s just jared”…

    me: “shh shhh”…

    “fucking”

    “shhh!”

    “leto.”

    “oh my god.” pointing to him having just walked by behind her.

    “eeeeeeeeeee!!!”

    the next day he also manged to walk directly behind us. with erica making huge gestures in the foreground trying to point him out to us and me being too busy staring at the girl he was with to even notice him for a minute. good times.

  2. tracy

    oh, my god. that is such a cool story, kristen! that would be like me seeing johnny depp. only i would run up and make a huge spaz out of myself. what’s better, i ask you? i think your way is much better. oh, and you are SO cute. so cute.

  3. didofoot

    it’s interesting how you don’t feel i made a spazz out of myself.

  4. jason

    That was hilarious, Kristen.

    Except for the part where Jared Leto hated you.

  5. jason

    I don’t know what it is about that guy, but he always seemed to me like a popular kid first and an actor second. Most of those model type actors just seem like actors, but he looks to me like a guy who was so popular in high school that no one could even think of not putting in movies.

  6. holohan

    what the hell is he wearing in that first picture? is that a space suit?

  7. monica

    I too met young Jordan Catalano. Except I was 14, with my dad, on a street in New York, and I had braces. And bangs. He signed a card that read “Ass Baboons of Venus.” He chuckled at the postcard I had him sign; I was convinced he was in love with me. When I walked back to my dad he thundered, “Who was that guy? What? TV? Actor? He looks like a hobo!” My dad wears a hearing aid, and when I shushed him (Catalano was still in earshot) he bellowed, “What?! What?! But look at him!” Jared Leto was charmingly unkempt in his holey Nirvana shirt and probably walked home to sit around in his dirty grungy movie star filth and not shower more. I turned red and shuffled quickly away. Man he was hot.

  8. holohan

    monica, i laughed out loud at about 80% of your sentences. thanks for starting my day with a bang. a bang about bangs.

  9. didofoot

    good story, write more blogs dammit.

    in my jordan catalano experience, he had extremely long hair with reddish purple streaks. he looked sort of like a girl. a GILF.

  10. kris

    LOVE the pictures… did you see ‘requiem for a dream?’ I hear he’s single now.

  11. Holly

    My brother met Jared Leto in a sandwich shop in Dublin a few months ago, when he was filming a movie there. He said all traces of Jordan Catalano were gone: JL was small and dirty and looked like a weasel, and his hair was long and stringy. Still, I don’t know WHY my brother couldn’t have called me on his cell phone and had JL say something Jordan Catalano-ish like “can we….can we go somewhere?” to me just to make my life complete, but he didn’t. He didn’t get him to sign anything for me, and he didn’t take a picture of him with his camera phone or ANYTHING. He just did that “hey, what’s up?” nod that boys do. Still, later JL approached my brother’s girlfriend in a pub, ended up kissing her and whispered his hotel number to her. My brother says it’s better I didn’t meet JL – I would have just been disappointed. Apparently he didn’t lean very well in real life.

  12. Tiffany

    hes a pretty decent lay

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