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Posted by on April 21, 2003

I had to call 911 because a workman busted up his arm when he broke a window. I got to wait outside for the emergency people. Cops AND an ambulance AND a firetruck. It was so exciting because everyone was handsome, even the girls. I made sure to wear my hair down before they got there so that I would be the most attractive, and I frequently corrected my posture. I simpered at all the emergency personnel and they said it was all in a day’s work. They had very broad shoulders. The man was bleeding but not very much and I was very brave but anyway I didn’t see the blood.

Here is the order: First the police came. There was a large male police and a small female police. The large male police did not hold the door. I said “I didn’t know you guys did blood,” meaning mopped up blood rather than inflicted blood and the large male police cheerfully replied “We don’t!” They didn’t. They went backwards to the room and intimidated the bleeding man for several minutes while the ambulance was coming. It was all extremely interesting and useful.

Second, the ambulance and fire truck came at exactly the same time from different directions. The bus pulled over reluctantly but no one else did. The paramedics had a female and male, but in this case it was the female who talked and what she said was thank you! She had a blond ponytail and talked like someone who goes hiking without baths. She and the fireman had polite chatter while I walked down the hall in front of my emergency parade.

Later, Elita came rumbling down the hall when all the fun was gone. She was angry with me because I did not read my emergency manual beforehand, which clearly explains that in case of emergency it is required that I call Elita and she gets to call 911. I could not have blamed her for feeling cheated, because I had a real good time calling 911 and the dispatcher was very pleasant to me. I said I would call Elita first next time and what should I do if she was not at her desk? She grudgingly allowed as how I might be allowed to call 911 first in case of life or death, but implied that a man who had not even bled through two towels could probably have waited.

In conclusion, I had such a good time with my emergency, and I hope someday I can handle an emergency again.

7 Responses to Fire!

  1. holohan

    yeah, the whole fun-factor of 911 is kind of problematic. when i had my car accident last year someone came running out from a nearby gas station yelling, not “is everyone okay?” but “does anyone need 911?” i shooed him away and started dialing 911 on my cell phone, when who should come along but a patrol car. way to spoil the fun, officer killjoy.

    kristen, i’m glad that your uniform fetish has temporarily overcome your disdain for authority. remind me to wear my band uniform next time i come and visit.

  2. didofoot

    too many tassels on a band man. what I really dig are dentists. simple, elegant white/mint green. now THAT is authoritative.

  3. jade

    yah. especially when they come at you with drills.

  4. tracy

    “talked like someone who goes hiking without baths.” GENIUS!!

  5. Jacob

    “hiking without baths”

    Is that anything like the “I have boots but no shoes” riddle?

  6. holohan

    what’s the boots with no shoes riddle? we likess riddleses. tell us!!!

  7. mom

    i love the way that you are self-deprecating!

    “frequently adjusted my posture”!

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