Tagged With: Dumb Kris
I cannot feed on people to survive! [Sees person. Eats person.] Augh!
When Anne Rice writes the plot and Elton John writes the music, I dunno, maybe some mental alarm bells should go off. Nevertheless, Michele and I cheerfully coughed up $40 apiece for back-row seats at Lestat.
I am hungry.
My work friend, accusingly: Did you remember to eat lunch? Me: Yes. WF: What did you have? Me: A barracuda…steak… WF: … Me: And a tomato. WF: Where did– Me: And a pie! WF: What kind of pie? Me: Whole pie. WF: What kind of pie? Me, angrily: A whole pie! WF: … Me, amused: … Continue reading
Our Lady of the Bottom
Me: Sister Mary Posterior, all us nuns have gotten together and realized that we want YOU to be our new Mother Superior. Me: Oh, girls! I’m just flabbergasted. I don’t know quite what to say. It seems much too lofty a position for your old friend Sister Posterior. Me: No, Sister. You cannot turn this … Continue reading
Run mad as often as you chuse
Last night the Lad and I found ourselves at Slim’s for the Dick Dale show. Once the opener, Thirsty, had cleared out and most of the heavy metal fans had left or faded to the back, the Lad and I were suddenly surrounded by men in their 50’s; men with grizzled hair and Hawaiian shirts … Continue reading
I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress
Lately I’ve become very interested in textures and I walk around touching things on the sly. Last week in class I absent-mindedly reached over and touched my astonished neighbor’s knee, curious to see what the material of his pants felt like. I’m deep into the job hunt now; tomorrow will be my last official day … Continue reading
A shark on beer is a beer engineer
Guy From Class: What’s that on your neck? Is that a hickey? Me: No. I fell down. GFC: [Raises skeptical eyebrow.] Me: I fell down onto a shark. GFC: You got savaged. Me: Right, ’cause it was all with the…teeth. GFC: Can’t you put some concealer or foundation or something on that? Me: No. I … Continue reading
A story of fuck
Escaped, triumphant, from the office at 3:30 on Friday, barely pausing to violate my hug sanctions with my officemates, not sure I got all the personal stuff off the computer, striding back to BART in the certain knowledge that I am done forever (or the next five months) with commuting, two trains, scenery, traffic light, … Continue reading
It’s practically champagne
I went to my history professor’s office hours yesterday after class. He holds his Thursday office hours in the pub on campus, but I knew this (loss of faculties around faculty, never good) would not be an issue for me since I so recently vowed to only drink champagne and the pub is a beer … Continue reading
No Rudesby
‘I wore a bridal gown to my ex-boyfriend’s birthday party’ must be the first sentence of someone’s dystopic memoirs. However, the invitation did say formal wear, and I am no rudesby. An ex-boyfriend’s birthday party has many things in common with a high school reunion, but the main thing is that you want to arrive … Continue reading
King of the river
“Ooh, a rope swing,” said Allen, “can we stop?” I immediately caved before his toddlerish enthusiam and we beached our canoe in front of the swing. First Allen swung. Then a fourteen year old girl swung. Then a six year old girl swung. How hard could it be, I wondered? Not hard at all, as … Continue reading