Author Archives: didofoot
Don’t call me stupid
Professor Cleese performed the same physical comedy routine in the second week of class that he used for the first: straining to move large teacher’s desk to a more central position, enormous screeching sound in silent room, dismay and perplexity followed by inspiration, huffing and puffing to lift desk instead of dragging it, enormous tweed-clad … Continue reading
I’m the space goblin and I’m here to say that staying in school is a-ok.
One of my professors is playing his Professor role exactly as I imagine John Cleese would play it. It’s all English accent and bumbling physical comedy and stuttering halts. “Most writers agree that the most difficult thing to describe is sex. But the student who takes the minutes in this class will find it still … Continue reading
Look out, Jack
It was around this time last year that I met Elliott Smith at Safeway, so maybe that’s why I’m only just beginning to feel genuinely sad about his death. Last night I watched poor old E struggling through the inadvertently hilarious Miss Misery video and I remembered Jason Martin telling me way back when I … Continue reading
Not for Naught
Re-reading have I been the Lord of the Rings trilogy and somewhat annoyed have I become at the persistent switching of traditional subject-verb order which Tolkein engages in. Very like it is to the grammer which I did use in my eight grade sonnets, wherein merry havoc did I play with subject-verb order to make … Continue reading
Legs from here to Sunday
At last, miniskirts are back in style. I and my beautiful legs have been waiting 24 years for this and yesterday we road-tested our brand new skirt in the great out of doors. I wobbled all over the neighborhood on my high-heeled boots, enviously staring at the beautiful men gliding along effortlessly in their five-inch … Continue reading
I’d like to thank the fans, if we had any…
I was surprised and delighted to receive my recent Oscar for my moving portrayal of A Screaming Victim in the sleeper hit Superfreaks! The awards committee held a special session to issue the award after Superfreaks! finished its limited run in Taiwan. Thanks to everyone who made this possible, but especially Stan, my loving husband … Continue reading
Neither Nakedness nor Orgying
I got invited to Melanie’s house for a party in my honor. (I assume all parties are in my honor unless the host specifically tells me otherwise.) The evite listed several names I didn’t know, so it was tough to know what to expect. Should I be sexy? Demure? Would there be charades? Would there … Continue reading
2004
The Lad’s non-party turned out to be a cracking good time, as you can see from the lesbians. Also, champagne! But I might have been an idiot. Happily, I spent most of the evening talking to Kati Vol, whose natural exuberance was perfectly matched by my garrulous drunkenness. I have no memory of our conversation, … Continue reading
A Citrus-Flavored Threat
I was just copied on an interoffice memo warning me that the nation (of the U.S., not of the Me) is currently at an Orange Level Threat Alert. Here are some of the precautions that the memo suggests I take: “Report all suspicious activity and persons to UC Police at 911 e.g. conspicuous or unusual … Continue reading
The Old Navy Rides Again
My cowboy-boss on why the professors have to work so hard on their research: “The problem with the world is that we’ve all gotten complacent, and now the Old Navy will no longer bring us things. See, back in ancient China, I mean we’re talking 800, 1000 B.C., the Old Navy used to come all … Continue reading