Author Archives: didofoot
A story of fuck
Escaped, triumphant, from the office at 3:30 on Friday, barely pausing to violate my hug sanctions with my officemates, not sure I got all the personal stuff off the computer, striding back to BART in the certain knowledge that I am done forever (or the next five months) with commuting, two trains, scenery, traffic light, … Continue reading
Northern review you twist is Olivia always
Today is my last day in this job. I know that once I’m gone my soul will have a chance to finally grow back after years of enduring bureacratic termites, but it’s sort of hard to get excited about that because it’s such a nebulous thing and, after all, I’ve done without it for this … Continue reading
Jerry, the pot-bellied
I’m holding auditions for some new thoughts in my reality show brain. The old cast was extremely popular with viewers in the 7 – 13 year old set, but management has decided that it would be beneficial to begin attracting a slightly older demographic. Say farewell to the boy-crazy Sasha, whose signature hair-twirling and grating … Continue reading
It is a new world!
After three years, I’ve decided it’s finally time to class Carthage up a bit. Sadly, to me class = New England bed & breakfast. If I could, I would include wallpaper of tasteful blue posies and a small bottle of that shampoo/conditioner two-in-one stuff that both tangles and greases up your hair. I hope that … Continue reading
Our upcoming trip to Monaco
As the years wear on and no one discovers me (I imagine a chance meeting on a BART train with an editor who looks at me and suddenly Understands that I am the next big thing, but I would also be open to meeting in a restaurant or cafe), I am toning down my goals. … Continue reading
Three weeks to go
Today I woke to a morning worn thin by repetition. I lay staring at the clock as it clicked steadily towards 6:15 and barely even had the energy to fight with the sleeping Lad for the covers which we both try to roll ourselves in like human burritos. (His superior mass is effective in trapping … Continue reading
Sometimes a meatball sub is just a meatball sub
Last night, I decided to trick you into having lunch with me, so I bought you a meatball sub. I know you could never turn down a meatball sub. I went to your office (mysteriously located on the College Park campus) but you were out, so there I was stuck with a meatball sub leaking … Continue reading
Sara plain and banal
“Do you know what I’m thinking right now?” I say. “Nope,” says the Lad. “I’m thinking, ‘This is our first Christmas tree together,’” I say. “Oh,” he says, “yeah. I did know that. I can feel it seeping from your every pore.” Moment of silence while we hang paper stars. “I took the bus to … Continue reading
Retardosity
Today, from retardosity, I spent way too much money on ingredients for candy-making and learned some important lessons about cookery. It turns out that some kinds of chocolate mixtures will come out of a candy mold nicely, while other kinds will stick to the mold stubbornly and refuse to come loose and eventually you have … Continue reading
Leavin’
As of January 18, I will be a free and unemployed woman. Please enjoy this small tribute to my past two years of employment at the good old U of C at B. (To the tune of “Leaving’s not leaving,” by Leann Rimes, a song I have never actually heard): Sometimes the time comes along … Continue reading