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Jerry, the pot-bellied

Posted by on January 18, 2005

I’m holding auditions for some new thoughts in my reality show brain. The old cast was extremely popular with viewers in the 7 – 13 year old set, but management has decided that it would be beneficial to begin attracting a slightly older demographic. Say farewell to the boy-crazy Sasha, whose signature hair-twirling and grating giggles were the model for a generation of young flirts. No longer will viewers enjoy the unproductive days of Jerry, the pot-bellied procrastinator, or his twin brother Saul, whose slovenly housekeeping was the subject of the legendary house-meeting-turned-fistfight during sweeps. Amanda, whose near-homicidal jealousy about her boyfriend encouraged blind hatred from audiences and caused many tabloids to dubb her “the new Shannon Doherty,” will soon be gone from our lives and hearts. And we will lose the easy-going Greg, whose pathetic eagerness to fade into the background of any situation means no one will remember him at all.

For Season Two, the producers are searching for a character with a strong work ethic and creative drive who will be the resident tempermental artist. They’ll need a calm center for the house as well, someone willing to do the dishes every time they need doing and not big with the complaints. They’re also toying with the idea of including some kind of hippie freak, an activist with a political conscience to ease away from the me-me-me vibe that characterized the show’s first season. And we’ll need a token minority to round out the cast.

If you or anyone you know fits one or more of these characters, and (important) you are a thought, not a person, please report to the studio’s casting office ASAP. Filming for the new season starts soon, and no one wants to tune in to an empty house.

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