Author Archives: didofoot
We wish you a merry Kristen.
I had a nice though short visit with Jack today which enabled me to deploy not just one but all of the following quips in my beard-related arsenal: “You look like the Wild Man of Borneo.” “It’s like there’s a lawn on your face.” “No, I would have noticed the horrible hair first but the … Continue reading
Mmm, forbidden cake.
It’s not like you’ve never said it was your birthday in order to get a free dessert. This really wasn’t any worse. We waited until we were just about done with the main course. We were in that picking-at-the-food phase where you still have a few minutes before the waiter comes along and tries to … Continue reading
To prevent having this conversation with everyone, here is a handy primer:
Next semester I’m taking: – Human Biology (Biology for Poets, Underachievers and Retards) – Psychology: Representations of Gender (For people who couldn’t get into Human Sexuality) – English 214 (English by and for people who don’t really like English) I have class, once again, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Kissed the bugs and made her cry
People keep talking to me; I’m starting to wonder if some misguided yet well meaning friend has paid strangers to help me overcome my phobia regarding same. Much the same way that my college roommate’s boyfriend “helped” her overcome her fear of fire by holding her down on the bed and waving a lighter next … Continue reading
Mystery Solved.
Josh Pelham plays for the Lakers I think. Probably not the same Josh Pelham though. Because mine was only my height (though I am tall, like to wear shorts, hookhookdunkdunk and could play in the NBA). He was such a sweet little felon. He used to steal cologne and wear it for me. Every day … Continue reading
Beauty is pain; and a syllogism?
Various sinus elements – bad elements, the kind you don’t want to see in front of your neighborhood 7-11 – have been congregating under my wig for a few days now. Every morning I wake up and a few more have roared into town on their hawgs of compressed snot. They start drinking earlier, too, … Continue reading
Stop Thinking About Sex
A while ago I started taking pictures of sidewalk stencils. It started with the two photos Michele gave me of two different Monkey Knife Fight stencils we saw on my birthday. After that I started noticing all the different ones around my neighborhood: “Stop Thinking About Sex,” “Save The Sewer Rat,” “Don’t Buy the HIV … Continue reading
Keep fingers out of reach of the didofoot. She is cranky today.
I’m researching a paper about the effects of cattle ranching on rainforests in Brazil, and if my research leads me to one more article decrying the knee-jerk liberalism of writers who urged America to temper its grief with awareness of its sins INTHEWAKEOFSEPTETC I will go bananas. Bananas. Bananas. “Uh, oh, here it comes: that … Continue reading
More on my boss, a source too good to use all at once.
My boss is a country kind of fellow. He comes in every day in cowboy boots and a Southwest patterned shirt and kind of has a Northern California Fort Bragg type drawl to his speech. One day he brought in a cassette tape of a honky-tonk song he’d written, played on what sounded like one … Continue reading
They live in tunnels now, the Old Ones, biding their time and smelling like fish…
My boss has a theory that the continental drift was actually caused by beavers. Apparently, beavers were much bigger in the Ice Age, more the size of grizzly bears than the cute rodents we know and love. (This is according to a website he’s found whose veracity – is that my word? – is anyone’s … Continue reading