Various sinus elements – bad elements, the kind you don’t want to see in front of your neighborhood 7-11 – have been congregating under my wig for a few days now. Every morning I wake up and a few more have roared into town on their hawgs of compressed snot. They start drinking earlier, too, than is really decent, and by midmorning they’ve exhausted all the other available fluids and have begun to suck out my brain juices. It’s kind of the equivalent of street toughs getting high on paint fumes. All morning and afternoon I walk around with a dried up brain like a spinster but I don’t dare argue with these guys. What if they left the cranial cavity and started to trickle, menacing and mean, down towards the exits? You don’t want these guys in the bar but you sure as hell don’t want to let them loose on the world. One sneeze and there goes the neighborhood. I have to be careful. It’s a big responsibility.
Some days I feel like going up there with a nightstick and giving them whatfor; most days, though, I swallow hard and just let it go. Times are changing. The world is getting harder. How can you fight progress? In the evenings I close the curtains and hide out behind my eyes; I can leave my brain to the tough guys, I guess. I never used it much. Eventually the Advil cops’ll get in there and wave their weapons around a little, quiet things down for a few hours so we can all get some sleep.