Author Archives: didofoot
Do not be fooled by his ingratiating expression
I’ve been visited by the zit goblin a lot lately. I’ve tried booby-traps – spreading peanut butter on the floor, so that he’ll be stuck and in the morning I can salt him until he shrivels and dies. I tried warding him off with Noxema amulets around my neck and deep-pore-cleaning facial cream jars nailed … Continue reading
Mission Statement
Hi friends. Sometimes I will tell stories that actually happened and sometimes I will tell stories I only thought of in my head. There will be no distinction made. I’m keeping a blog because I like stringing sentences together every day. It’s an effort to propel myself towards a return to fiction writing. Also, a … Continue reading
Return of the Peacock
Allen’s home! Actually it was kind of anti-climactic. I called in sick to work this morning since it’s apparently going to be my week for stupid, destructive behavior, and when I wandered blearily out of the Lad’s room at around 10:00 he (Allen) was asleep on the couch in the living room. Apparently he showed … Continue reading
So dumb it must be true
Well, I suppose you’re all wondering how my first day of school was. And the answer is, it was great.
Me and E
Editor’s Note, written on August 28, 2008: This entry is a made-up story about meeting Elliott Smith. It definitely never happened. Please also note that I wrote this entry long before he died, so what looks like kind of a callous lie now was just a normal daydream back then. I understand some folks are … Continue reading
Our Friend, Jason
Everybody thinks Jason is great. Jason is so nice. He never says anything mean. He will eat where you want to eat (unless it’s Pasta Pomodoro). He is a supportive friend. He is so interesting. He is so smart. And, hoo! Funny? The man was born with double the funny most people are born with! … Continue reading
The true heroes are the ones who write the books about the true heroes
I just finished reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver which as you know takes place in Africa. Afterwards I was feeling really inspired by the way she writes about stuff that matters. I decided I, too, will become an inspirational and politically aware novelist. I spent some time considering the phrase “political unrest” and … Continue reading
After these messages
Boy spots attractive girl sitting across the aisle from him on the bus. Boy spots old old woman entering the bus. Boy gallantly rises to give old woman his seat, incidentally moving himself closer to the girl. Girl spots his game and is not displeased. Can I get your number? says the boy. Girl shrugs. … Continue reading
“For we are the king of the boudoir, we are, and the king doesn’t like to wait.”
Last night in my dream I was watching cautionary presentations by female convicts who had been raped by prison guards. I woke up in my own bed, unmolested. What a strange accident that I am not a woman being raped by a prison guard. Who died to make me king? Was it Elvis? Was it … Continue reading
From the jokers who brought you Devil Bunny
I have this game and this game now. I urge you to believe me when I tell you that they are fabulous, even though this is pure speculation on my part. And if y’all want to play them with me (I would play alone if I could, fearing you and all people as I do, … Continue reading