Author Archives: didofoot
Spitting Mammals
“I’m really looking forward to being in Spokane with my ex-girlfriend,” said the Lad to me on the tellyphone. “She is taking me to a party on Friday night, and on Saturday we’re going to a pig roast.” A pig roast, eh? Well, now I am worried. I know how romantic a pig roast can … Continue reading
Quite a lot of Chinese booze
My cowboy boss told us this story at our staff meeting this morning: Once there were three Chinese men who were having dinner together and drinking quite a lot of Chinese booze, since that is what happens at a Chinese business dinner. As he was eating and carousing, one of the men thought he saw … Continue reading
Tardball Rules, if you care
If I’ve gotten any of these wrong, let me know. From new to old: 1. The Tricky Mark Rule: Mark may switch teams at will. He is not required to announce his allegiance at any point. 2. The Double-Bat Rule: One outfielder may wield a second bat. If the outfielder hits a ball (not necessarily … Continue reading
Living alone
Sometimes, I get out of the shower midway through and walk around dripping on things. Just to see what’s going on in the rest of the apartment. You heard it here first.
Summer fling or the real thing?
1. When you were out with your crush last night, you got really drunk and blacked out. What most likely happened? A. Your crush took you to your house, snuck you past your parents, put a basin next to the bed and went home. B. Your crush made out with you until you vomited on … Continue reading
Bleating in Everyone’s Face (A Blogger’s Story)
I’ve been messing up all day. I keep saying the wrong thing and offending people inadvertently. I know why this is happening. Recently I did something that was, for me, quite pushy and insistent. In fact it was the most forward and least ladylike thing I’ve ever done and I was and am horrified at … Continue reading
Turtles and Dragonflies
I’ve been so happy tramping over the city in this heat. I found a sidewalk by the park covered in dozens of stencils of turtles and dragonflies. In the middle of all these water dwellers someone has painted In Memory of My Love. If the Lad died I would stencil windmills up the side of … Continue reading
Dear Maggie,
You get a birthday blog even though you don’t read this ever. In your own words, “whoever propels you towards clarity is the key.” Maggie, you never have really propelled me towards clarity. But the days of sitting under one blanket and waiting for Manuel, so steady, are always just over my shoulder, and they … Continue reading
Run, I’m being taught communism
Flora is teaching me Russian. Today she printed out the Russian alphabet with a pronunciation guide for each letter and gave me a small lesson – I learned how to say “hedgehog” and “bug.” I wish my keyboard typed in Russian. The letters are heavy and thick and beautiful. Flora is so entertaining. When she … Continue reading