Tagged With: Lies
Our upcoming trip to Monaco
As the years wear on and no one discovers me (I imagine a chance meeting on a BART train with an editor who looks at me and suddenly Understands that I am the next big thing, but I would also be open to meeting in a restaurant or cafe), I am toning down my goals. … Continue reading
My quiet beach community
I often think of how someday the Lad and I will marry and live in a quiet beach community and have a couple of rowdy kids. One day, I will be cooking spaghetti and singing to August and Everything After when the Lad will walk in with Adam Duritz, whom he has befriended through his … Continue reading
Wider and wider
My teeth are gapping. The tiny cracks between my teeth, which are perfectly normal and natural, are slowly widening as I sleep. Every morning I take a tiny tape measure and examine the progression, the continental drift of my teeth. Tiny bacteria clad in woolly mammoth skins are shaking spears and migrating slowly from molar … Continue reading
Still in Tucson
I think we should get formal pictures taken, I say. Formal pictures? You mean, like, with sequins? And a corsage? No. Like with a photography studio in Sears. The Lad grimaces predictably. But why would we want pictures of ourselves looking fake? he says. We are a beautiful couple, I tell him sternly. The world … Continue reading
Dog Dream
I’m in Tucson today. I was thinking how I would go there for grad school and drag the Lad with me and he and I would get a little house up in the hills just outside of the city. It would go like this: Our kitchen is painted yellow. The house is NOT filled with … Continue reading
Chicanery, 1996
“So what do you do for fun?” asked the other lifeguard, slathering Coppertone onto his toned, copper arms. “Um, I dunno,” I said, intimidated by his bronzed perfection and fratboy pursuits. “Just, you know, normal stuff…well, and the burro riding relay race.” “What’s a burro riding relay race?” “Oh, it’s really fun. See, you put … Continue reading
I’ll be looking at the moon, but…
Yesterday, I got home from work and ate some cheese on toast and fiddled around with my new laptop and magically was turned invisible by an act of God. Initially, it was pretty neat. I tried taking a shower and watching the water slide off nothing. Then I watched myself drink milk in the mirror. … Continue reading
Blarney for St. Patrick’s Day: Didofoot parties with strangers
“It’s like the war in Iraq, ‘protecting the people,’ blah blah I am a liberal,” said the pipsqueak with the confidence that comes from knowing for a fact that everyone around you shares your white upper middle class Bay Area upbringing. “I’m sorry,” he said as Dr. V and the Lad and I all mentally … Continue reading
After ten minutes on hold:
“Hello, thank you for calling AOL customer service, my name is James, how can I help to make your online experience a magical one this morning?” “Well, James, I would like to cancel my magical online account.” “Heh. Okay. Let me just pull up your information.” (Takes all my information, prefacing each question with “Now … Continue reading
Mission Statement
Hi friends. Sometimes I will tell stories that actually happened and sometimes I will tell stories I only thought of in my head. There will be no distinction made. I’m keeping a blog because I like stringing sentences together every day. It’s an effort to propel myself towards a return to fiction writing. Also, a … Continue reading