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Complain.
I thought wedding gown retailers were terrible salesmen, but they’ve got nothing on jewelers. I found the wedding ring I want. I actually found it, the exact ring I’ve been concocting in my head, in one of those dopey bridal magazines, the picture is right there on the page with the website of the designer … Continue reading
Elephant
A new neighbor moved in recently and it’s becoming a real problem for me, because the “neighbor” is actually a spider the size of my finger and I am not a petite-handed woman. It lives on the landing outside our back door and initially built its web across the entire stairwell so I had to … Continue reading
Whoadamn, my man can dress.
Apparently, there is now an alternative to inch-thick Carhartt pants in our house. Ladies and gents, I present my future husband: I had to buy fancy new shoes just to keep up: More and higher quality shots here.
Stripes forever
While her father was busy, the little girl behind me on MUNI occupied herself by gently patting my dress between the shoulder blades and muttering “stwiiiipes, stwiiiipes,” over and over. It was almost too adorable to bear. It may also be worth noting that my dress was not striped.
Victory
Eventually, every bride has to come face to face with one grim fact: party planning blows. When that happens, there is tulle. Is it a fabric? Is it a trim? Is it the perfect blindfold for your guests so they can’t see that none of your flowers match? Who cares? Just wrap the whole damn … Continue reading
The Berenstain Bears’ New Baby
We walked along the beach, dodging the incoming tide. “I wonder what I’d do if Molly got swept out by a sleeper wave,” my mom mused. “You’d watch her go,” I said sternly. “Well…I could just go grab her.” “You could just get your feet sucked out from under you by a rip tide and … Continue reading
Chicken
This is the first time I’ve cooked meat that looked like what it used to be, pre-kitchen. I refuse to cook turkey — don’t like eating it — so I decided to roast a chicken for our little Thanksgiving here. But it turns out that a chicken feels like a baby. I’ve mentioned the baby/poultry … Continue reading
Fangsgiving
As Thanksgiving waxes and New Moon excitement wanes, I am here to share with you a few things for which I am fangful this year. I don’t ever have to go back to high school. Much less repeat it over and over for the rest of my undead life. What price immortality, eh, Cullen? I … Continue reading
Washington Post puts a finger on the gender divide. At last, some answers.
“Men feel perfectly comfortable slathering their chests in greasepaint and screaming like half-naked ninnies at football games, but women too often over-explain their passions, apologizing for being too girly or liking something too trashy.” –Washington Post I forget, why don’t I read newspapers?
Beep…beep…
I have naturally curly hair and yet am sitting here in hot rollers. Something is wrong with this picture. They’re all over my head — not in the normal hot roller sense of being tidily cozied up to all my hairs, but in the “I’m doing something wrong” sense of being all over the place, … Continue reading