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Posted by on January 8, 2010

I thought wedding gown retailers were terrible salesmen, but they’ve got nothing on jewelers.

I found the wedding ring I want. I actually found it, the exact ring I’ve been concocting in my head, in one of those dopey bridal magazines, the picture is right there on the page with the website of the designer and everything. So I go to the website, which is, let me tell you, the worst website I’ve ever seen. Forget “from victory to victory”; at least those people actually want you to buy their tulle. This website is all flash, all the time: to find the ring I wanted, I had to click continuously through a series of lines of faux-poetry and images of every piece of jewelry in the collection, no simple catalog page with all the wares laid out. Sauron could have forged me a ring faster than this website was selling me one. Then when I finally got to my ring, there was no way to find a price or even a name. All I could do was find authorized retailers, many without websites, many with crappy websites, none of whom list the price of this goddamn ring.

And this ring. Cannot. Be found. Anywhere else on the goddamn internet.

It’s clear to me now that they simply don’t want me to have this ring. Anyone who is unwilling to sell to me in the comfort of my own home is obviously not interested in my money. I did buy my dress in a wedding dress store, David’s Bridal, but they would have been perfectly happy to tell me the price online AND ship it to me. I need the David’s Bridal equivalent of jewelers to sell me the polyester equivalent of this ring. Anyone out there looking for an entrepreneur opportunity? Here is a need. Fill it.

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