General
Wherein old dints of deepe wounds did remaine
Showdown with the dragon last night: midterms handed back in Syntax. As the prof handed me my test, I saw it: D. It flashed across my eyes like lightning, the kind of lightning that comes out before the rain starts, hisses past your ear, strikes your little fluffy rat-dog a square blow to the snout, … Continue reading
You get to drink from the firehose!
I recently made a new friend; a not inconsiderable feat considering that I do not believe in friends, or, indeed, other people. Almost immediately I began to use this friend as a verbal punching bag, calling him girl names, insulting his literary taste and skills, making fun of his font choices and so forth, because … Continue reading
Hoon?
Idly googling an old boyfriend, I was surprised to actually find him. Even more surprising was that in a picture of four very different-looking people I had absolutely no idea which one he was (although I think he’s the one in the hat). Is it time to stop googling a guy if you can’t even … Continue reading
Bottle up and explode
Part of the city exploded about an hour ago, and if that sounds dramatic, well, it was. I’m used to hearing loud street noises from high up here in my nine-storey tower of an office, so I didn’t look up at the first boom, but then as people around me started making shock-talk I glanced … Continue reading
The first missed connection I’ve ever posted
Don’t get mad, get Craigslist.
“Say banana!” “Bananar.”
Our new FedEx guy at work sounds like the fifth Beatle. “My goodness,” I said to him when we met, “your vowels certainly are long!” “Loo-ah-ung?” he said. Because he’s also a comely fellow of many tattoos, I have taken to sexually harrassing him in a way which is only possible with someone with an … Continue reading
Princess Toadstool and the world of letters
Litquake is happening this week. For those of you who did not, like me, stumble across this in the paper yesterday while waiting for the nice girl to toast your bagel, Litquake is an annual week-long celebration of (I think) local writers. Lots of readings and so forth. I checked out the website today and … Continue reading
My wit’s diseased
I am a tourist from Idaho. You are all my husband. We stand before the foreign monument of my cold. As with every illness I have dragged you to see, I am fascinated, enthralled, hooked by the rarity. I think it is plumb cute, is what. “Hon,” I say, “would you look at those clogged … Continue reading
Think pink
Yesterday I called my advisor about possible ways to enroll me in this here recalcitrant Syntax.* “Just go to the next lecture tonight,” she said, “and ask the professor to enroll you. Try being really sweet.” “Ok, I can do that,” I said. There was a worried pause. “I know you can do irony,” she … Continue reading