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Hoon?

Posted by on November 3, 2005

Idly googling an old boyfriend, I was surprised to actually find him. Even more surprising was that in a picture of four very different-looking people I had absolutely no idea which one he was (although I think he’s the one in the hat). Is it time to stop googling a guy if you can’t even recognize him anymore? I submit that it is not, and will continue to stalk stalk stalk ’til the nursing home staff takes my laptop away.

Despite my outside stalks, the Lad and I remain together, turtleless but happy. I suppose it’s for the best. Couples who use pets as surrogate children are creepy at best, so how many friends would we lose if our “baby” was an enshelled reptile? At least having a dog or a cat semi-prepares you for the madness of child-rearing, in that you have to talk to it and touch it regularly. I can just picture the Lad and I strapping our eventual child’s crib to its eventual back and watching it crawl around. “Look, it can carry its whole house around with it!” we’ll say, probably not using the pronoun ‘it,’ while our forgotten turtle sulks in its glass box. Also, outsiders care how you treat your dog/cat/baby, while you can pretty much microwave your turtle and get away with it.

In other news, we are planning a January trip to London, another thing you can do when you have a turtle but not so easily when you have a baby. We’ll be sleeping on Dan’s floor, who I guess I can no longer refer to as a monk in any sense at all although I am secretly hoping the apartment will be decorated only with a cross and will feature Dan smacking his own head with a Bible while frantically chanting. Because I am insensitive.

7 Responses to Hoon?

  1. jason

    I google boys I had crushes on back in Hebrew school.

    And I use to have turtles.

  2. didofoot

    interesting side note: this guy was also once in chuckanut drive, but he left before andersen joined. just one of those random coincidences life does throw at one, like how jason and i became friends long before we knew that we both didn’t have any turtles.

  3. didofoot

    i mean currently, because obviously jason once did have turtles. just like i once did have a fish.

  4. Dianna

    This admission is going to be very bad for my reputation, but for some reason the statement that “you can pretty much microwave your turtle” has been cracking me up all day. Animal abuse is never funny, unless you come up with a plausible, yet unfathomably weird, way of doing it.

  5. didofoot

    dianna, why don’t you just eat some veal and call it a day? that turtle had a name, i’ll have you know. his name was hortense. and he did not like the microwave one bit.

  6. dmitri

    I had a friend who “accidently” locked his cat in his freezer for a few hours. It was the best thing for it really. It was a lot more mellow after the incident. It did, however, have a tendancy to walk into walls. The would probably not be the ideal way to raise a child. Hillary Clinton made a bit of a fuss about it taking a village to raise a child. I would imagine that would very much depend on the villagers.

  7. tracy

    Is this your first trip to London? Are you ever so excited? I am excited for you. My sister is there right now as I’m writing this.

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