Author Archives: didofoot
A Big Antenna
My cowboy boss, now sober, explained the way of the world recently. “See, the Chinese believe that everything that has ever existed is still around. I mean, not modern Chinese – the ancient Chinese believed it. Thoughts, words, everything is still there, floating around. When you think you’re having a creative thought, you’re really just … Continue reading
Elves
I began to present my cowboy boss with the time travel theory, but as soon as I got to my first premise (you cannot just JUMP through time; you have to travel through every second of it) he began to argue with me. “Listen,” he said, “the theory that time is divided up into these … Continue reading
What I Learned in Astronomy
The fact is, this time machine that I built is never going to work until I get the super computer running. Consider: when you travel through time, you stay in one place spatially and just move through years. But it’s not like a tesseract or a jump: you have to move through every second of … Continue reading
Feature Presentation
All day today, the only sentence I can think is this one: We’re only afraid of Christopher Walken.
Unexpurgated Me
My best friend Anais Nin says that “truth is coarse and unfructifying.” She says this in Incest, which is one of the unexpurgated volumes of her journal.* Anais Nin lied to all the people in her life because she believed in the necessity of illusion and imagination and beauty and D.H. Lawrence; these beliefs are … Continue reading
Covered in triumph, glory and Nutella ™
I got an A+ on my Shakespeare term paper. I actually feel a little goofy admitting it. If you get an A- or even an A you know you did a good job. But an A+ just means you’ve got the teacher snowed. Now, snowing authority figures is perhaps the most marketable of skills – … Continue reading
You will know a wise man
“The ancient texts say that you will know a wise man because he is running through the forest, flapping his arms, chirping, and slapping his own ass,” my boss explained seriously. “Everyone assumes that this is philosophy, but really it’s just aerobics.” I stopped and looked around at my life and it was boring. I … Continue reading
The Wind in the Ward Street 2.0
Maggie and Christine and I were sitting around late last night (I swear there was studying done at some point yesterday evening), and, as is common among young women in the twenty-first century, we turned our talk to the inevitability of homosexuality outbreaks amongst our male acquaintance. “The worst part,” I said, “is that if … Continue reading
The importance of being Frank
I had dinner with Frank tonight, because there he was and I also was there as well. He has a boat now – I mean, he had a boat when we were dating, but now he actually knows how to sail it – and is soon to be sent to Belgium to work and live. … Continue reading
I want to eat pie. Still.
When you see a coworker in the hall, you have to make a disparaging comment about your job. It’s like a drinking game, in that the rules are simple and it isn’t very fun. You have to say “I sure am glad it’s Friday,” or “Wish that weekend was longer,” or something on those lines. … Continue reading