Author Archives: didofoot
What I imagine it’s like to be Kim J
Last night my Astronomy professor, who is young and new to his trade, brought candy for the class as sort of a pre-emptive apology for next week’s midterm. All through the lecture, I watched the teeny tiny skater boys in front of me dropping stick after stick from their Tootsie Pops ™ on the floor … Continue reading
My plastic elastic head
It’s tough to wrap my plastic elastic head around this “forever” concept. I keep thinking, Oh God, it’s so sad, Elliott Smith is dead and there will be no more music. But then I comfort myself by thinking, At least there will be music again when he stops being dead.
Yeah, I heard.
Thanks to everyone who saw the news and thought to let me know.
Recent Protests
Sources close to the White Apartment have reported that domestic discontent is on the rise. The Nation of Me’s controversial hug sanctions of July have given rise to increasing malcontentism and schizophrenia among the citizen of the Nation of Me. A large crowd of demonstrators gathered in the Left Brain on Saturday at the UN … Continue reading
Uh huh.
“And if you go way, way back in ancient Chinese texts, you find references to this all over the place,” said my cowboy boss. “It’s the reason that Chinese people tend to have a bigger gap between their thumbs and first fingers.” “So, what you’re telling me is…” “Way back in B.C., Chinese people had … Continue reading
A small, surly gnome
Written in response to this article, which really should be read first. Will teens stop using electricity? I first heard about using my parents’ electricity in middle school. Up until that point, I had assumed that my television and toaster were being run by a small, surly gnome that lived in the wall. But in … Continue reading
Ballad for Brian Danny (a.k.a. Dick Bag, Jr.)
The Asian You I dreamt of you last night You had gotten in a fight But you used your barbed-wire bangs to win the day Today out of the blue This Chinese guy looked just like you I guess I saw the Asian you today CHORUS: Yes, I know you’re Caucasian But you do look … Continue reading
Happy Anniversary, Lad
Saturday marked the ten year anniversary of my long, tortured history with the Lad. We went camping. It seemed appropriate because: Both our history and this trip have caused us physical pain. Both have left us breathless. Both have taught us that we can make do with less than we thought we could. And both … Continue reading
No Rudesby
‘I wore a bridal gown to my ex-boyfriend’s birthday party’ must be the first sentence of someone’s dystopic memoirs. However, the invitation did say formal wear, and I am no rudesby. An ex-boyfriend’s birthday party has many things in common with a high school reunion, but the main thing is that you want to arrive … Continue reading
Oh, my virgin eyes.
My Russian coworker just flashed me. She was talking about how she wished she was wearing the summery cotton frock that I am wearing, and then she said “I should walk around like this” and rolled her Russian shirt up to walk around in her Russian bra.