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Recent Protests

Posted by on October 20, 2003

Sources close to the White Apartment have reported that domestic discontent is on the rise. The Nation of Me’s controversial hug sanctions of July have given rise to increasing malcontentism and schizophrenia among the citizen of the Nation of Me.

A large crowd of demonstrators gathered in the Left Brain on Saturday at the UN (Ultimate Nativity) meeting to protest the sanctions. The crowd became more and more incensed as leader after leader of allied nations arrived at the meeting bearing gifts of fruit and baked goods, and were greeted with a cold smile rather than a welcoming hug.

“We believe that the government needs to reconsider its position,” said one anonymous demonstrator. “The nation’s position on hugging is absurd and Unme-ian. I mean, I deplore being groped without an invitation as much as the next guy, but I don’t think we should let one incident at a party in college color our whole foreign policy, you know?”

The demonstrators became increasingly more obstreperous as the day wore on, and at around 7 pm demonstrators swarmed over police barricades and enacted two separate hugs with the citizen of allied nation Melanie Schauwecker.

Demonstrators went on to vandalize several local businesses, while chanting “Starbucks out of the Cerebellum!”

RELATED ARTICLES:

Original Press Release

Press Response

Terrorist Attack

3 Responses to Recent Protests

  1. holohan

    only when your last friend’s arms have fallen off will you realize that hugs cannot be eaten.

    what?

  2. erica

    i have to admit i don’t know what “obstreperous” means exactly, but the fact that you use it makes me wanna give you a big ol’ hug!! attack!!!! attack!!!!!!

  3. tracy

    Ummmmm, i’m gonna be violating this on Saturday. You know that, right? Prepare yourself.

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