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Ballad for Brian Danny (a.k.a. Dick Bag, Jr.)

Posted by on October 1, 2003

The Asian You

I dreamt of you last night

You had gotten in a fight

But you used your barbed-wire bangs to win the day

Today out of the blue

This Chinese guy looked just like you

I guess I saw the Asian you today


Yes, I know you’re Caucasian

But you do look like this Asian

And this Asian on occasion looks like you

It really was alarming

He was half as tall, but nothing’s arming

Me against this charming Asian you

His eyes wide in their sockets

His cheeks were empty pockets

He did that starving model look you do

I couldn’t look away

I didn’t know quite what to say

I stared back at the lovely Asian you

I know I said I’d take

Your old guitar from your apartment mates

And keep it safe while you are out of town

But I never did go get it

And this Asian won’t let me forget it

Now I guess I’ll have to take him down

This will be a double sin

First your stuff and then your twin

But the guilt is really eating me away

And you know I miss you, Bri

But your foreign fetch must die

I guess I killed the Asian you today


Though I know that you’re Caucasian

Could it be you’re half Malaysian?

Cause this Asian’s really brazenly like you

I sure hope you’re not back sooner

Than you said, or I killed Dick Bag, Jr.

‘Stead of just amazin’ Asian you

7 Responses to Ballad for Brian Danny (a.k.a. Dick Bag, Jr.)

  1. jason


  2. erica

    hear, hear.

  3. kt

    bravo AND a little extra guilt from me. you should go get that guitar. then we can start a Castro rock band. i will play accordion.

  4. robyn

    And I will play the purple triangle. Oh wait…

  5. brian

    I look away for a measly few months, and someone writes a song about me. Not just anyone, either. THE didofoot. I am truly, truly honored.

    By the by, I also told those old mates of mine that I’d send someone to get my large boxes of pictures and personal effects…I wonder if they’ve had a rummage sale yet. Someone bought my high-school homecoming picture for 25p. The first condom I was ever handed in a gay nightclub for a farthing!

  6. brian

    oh, and insert “(unused)” somewhere into that last sentence.

  7. brian

    It seems that once a year, a week or two before my birthday, I drunkenly look up old references made to me. Don’t you ever close your comments?

    Blame your boyfriend for my search for “barbed-wire bangs to win the day”.

    By the way, what genre was this song meant to fit into? I’ve wondered more than once now. It would be a useful thing to know, in case I ever pick up the guitar or the ukelele.

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