Tagged With: Dumb Kris
Living alone
Sometimes, I get out of the shower midway through and walk around dripping on things. Just to see what’s going on in the rest of the apartment. You heard it here first.
Jordan and the Easter Bunny
On Saturday night, a drunken older woman who would identify herself only as “your favorite Easter bunny” gave Michele and I two all-access backstage passes for Coachella. After checking to make sure they were not laced with a strange zombie drug or other contraband, we strapped them on and headed for the elite zone. It’s … Continue reading
This day in history
A year ago today the Sicilian dumped me on my lunch hour. We went to lunch, we argued over something stupid, we went into the King Student Union building and broke up in a conference room. I sniffled my way through the rest of the day and promised myself I wouldn’t tell anyone. “I don’t … Continue reading
worth every minute
On Thursday night, pre-Allen arrival, I was sitting in the kitchen at the Lad’s, pretending to be a cockroach. I had my index fingers pressed to the sides of my forehead and I wiggled them at the Lad’s back as he did the dishes. “So are we playing Get Out tonight?” asked the Lad. “We … Continue reading
So dumb it must be true
Well, I suppose you’re all wondering how my first day of school was. And the answer is, it was great.
Obligatory fall from grace post:
It goes a little something like this: – See the Baby in the sink. Scream. – Opt to make my pain into other people’s pleasure. Write blog about Baby in sink. – Throughout the rest of the day, insist on referring to turkey as the Baby. – Everyone else begins referring to it as the … Continue reading
Obligatory vegetarian post:
The turkey is huge, so huge that it looks like a small beheaded toddler in the sink. When I walked in I screamed “AAAAH! DAD, THE MOMS KILLED A BABY!” It’s got this little flap of wrinkled skin where its head used to be. “Ew, Moms,” I whispered, plucking (ha) at her sleeve, “it’s got … Continue reading
An obligatory holiday post:
Tomorrow, I am a cook. It is regrettable for a number of reasons. The reason it is regrettable is that I cannot cook really and the number of reasons it is regrettable is one. My most important job this year is that I have to beat on the turkey until it stops crying and plays … Continue reading
Nitwit, dictionary, me.
Last night I went to the Lad’s house to get aid on the maths. (My parents have an Australian houseguest who brought kangaroo jerky, vegemite spread and the phrase “maths.”) He was late arriving on his Machine o’Death so I sat and watched ‘The Sopranos’ for ten minutes or so with the housemates and co. … Continue reading
Blogging for a better tomorrow
Today while leaving Cala Foods I got asked for change by a ubiquitous street person. I declined in my usual manner, by shyly shaking my head while walking and half-smiling, in an attempt to communicate through mime my disinclination to part with my cash even though later my suburban white guilt would give me no … Continue reading