Tagged With: Dumb Kris
Ouch
As I make our final preparations for this move, I’m learning a lot about packing…and even more about myself. Chiefly what I’m learning is that I am just phenomenally clumsy. Apparently, the only thing preventing me from seriously injuring myself normally is that we have large rooms and wide hallways. When these spaces are narrowed … Continue reading
Helpful
Talking to Sean over the weekend, I found myself spending at least half an hour describing several episodes of I Dream of Jeannie in excruciating detail. I can’t say exactly how that happened. It seems like when I talk to someone who’s exceptionally interesting or funny I find myself steering things towards the boring and … Continue reading
Pulling random stuff out of old emails
Here’s a conversation I had a long time ago, but it still tastes great today: Friend: [funny joke about Neil Gaiman’s graphic novels.] Me: I used to read Elfquest. Friend: [Silence.] Me: Now you know everything.
Awkward
I’m starting to worry I might have made myself a reputation for being an awkward drunk. I know the solution: stop drinking at social events. But I don’t want that to be the answer, so I keep looking around for some other option. So far, all I can come up with is to start drinking … Continue reading
the little rift
What flaw is there in my essential makeup which causes me, when purging my shelves, to get rid of Virginia Woolf’s classic novel Orlando but retain Betty Ren Wright’s underwhelming YA mystery The Dollhouse Murders? Am I basing my entire library on which books I read in third grade?
Pillow talk
I’m having my groceries delivered today, octogenarian-style. A couple of days ago I realized there were more things on my list than could be carried home on my back, so I thought I’d try this service out because the first delivery is free. But now the guy is actually coming today and I’m a little … Continue reading
Beep…beep…
I have naturally curly hair and yet am sitting here in hot rollers. Something is wrong with this picture. They’re all over my head — not in the normal hot roller sense of being tidily cozied up to all my hairs, but in the “I’m doing something wrong” sense of being all over the place, … Continue reading
Does this happen to other women, or…
…is it just me? Sometimes when I am brushing my hair too rapidly, the ends of my hair snap up and hit me in the eye. It really hurts. Either my hair is too long or my brain is too small. But which is it?
Fear
I thought of a way to scare my neighbors for Halloween. First I carved a pumpkin, but I didn’t make it scary, I made it sweet and goofy and fun. Then I put it outside my door, in the lobby — boo! An adorable pumpkin to grin at you when you come home, neighbors! Then … Continue reading
Tax Payer
I got some yard time yesterday drinking in Dolores Park with everyone’s favorite visiting klezmer (“but we don’t call ourselves a klezmer band”) musician. There are a lot of cops patrolling D. Park even on a weekday. Why is this? At first I figured they were going for an easy ticket, so we dutifully hid … Continue reading