General
Unexpurgated Me
My best friend Anais Nin says that “truth is coarse and unfructifying.” She says this in Incest, which is one of the unexpurgated volumes of her journal.* Anais Nin lied to all the people in her life because she believed in the necessity of illusion and imagination and beauty and D.H. Lawrence; these beliefs are … Continue reading
Covered in triumph, glory and Nutella ™
I got an A+ on my Shakespeare term paper. I actually feel a little goofy admitting it. If you get an A- or even an A you know you did a good job. But an A+ just means you’ve got the teacher snowed. Now, snowing authority figures is perhaps the most marketable of skills – … Continue reading
You will know a wise man
“The ancient texts say that you will know a wise man because he is running through the forest, flapping his arms, chirping, and slapping his own ass,” my boss explained seriously. “Everyone assumes that this is philosophy, but really it’s just aerobics.” I stopped and looked around at my life and it was boring. I … Continue reading
The Wind in the Ward Street 2.0
Maggie and Christine and I were sitting around late last night (I swear there was studying done at some point yesterday evening), and, as is common among young women in the twenty-first century, we turned our talk to the inevitability of homosexuality outbreaks amongst our male acquaintance. “The worst part,” I said, “is that if … Continue reading
The importance of being Frank
I had dinner with Frank tonight, because there he was and I also was there as well. He has a boat now – I mean, he had a boat when we were dating, but now he actually knows how to sail it – and is soon to be sent to Belgium to work and live. … Continue reading
I want to eat pie. Still.
When you see a coworker in the hall, you have to make a disparaging comment about your job. It’s like a drinking game, in that the rules are simple and it isn’t very fun. You have to say “I sure am glad it’s Friday,” or “Wish that weekend was longer,” or something on those lines. … Continue reading
Not for long, Pie Man.
Not since the J. Peterman catalogue have I been so tempted to buy merchandise just for the sake of its fantastic copy. Or maybe this isn’t that good, and I’m slipping. Either way, I am the world’s best grandma and I want to eat pie.
Thanksgiving Again
Despite my having written thousands of letters to my congressional representative, America elected to hold Thanksgiving again. Obviously, this is not my favorite holiday because the central dish is meat meat meat and I am a vegetarian. I mean, not a literal vegetarian, because I do eat meat, but I am a vegetarian in my … Continue reading
Excerpts from Chris Isaak’s Diary
June 1, 2002 I woke up this morning and it was raining. I mean, not actually raining outside, because it’s summer, but it was raining in my heart. And everything was black like a bruise. You fooled me with your ruse. Hey, that’s pretty good, that could be a new song. And maybe for the … Continue reading
Living alone
I haven’t been sick in three years. But sometimes I need a little self-administered TLC, so on Wednesday night after class I pretended I was sick. I rubbed my throat a lot and pretended it was painful to swallow and made myself a big mug of Theraflu and put on my flannel pajamas and watched … Continue reading