General
Appetizers and a silly hat
My folks threw me a graduation ceremony last night. It was frequently referred to as a fake ceremony, but since it focused entirely on me instead of a class of hundreds, I felt it was pretty realistic and merely prefaced the way that the world will no doubt focus on me me me from now … Continue reading
Sizzle, Fizzle & Fry, Ltd.
Sitting with my folks one day on the shore of Lake Como, the Moms noticed I was wearing her cross from her days as a Catholic girl. “I’m surprised that doesn’t burn your skin,” she said. I don’t know if my sinning has increased lately or what, but today the cross seems to be gradually … Continue reading
The other side of my job
Given the high level of responsibility of everyone around here, I sometimes wonder if it is hard not to hate the girl whose job it is to sit peeling tape off the old keys.
My conversation with The World’s Angriest Man
My boss at Company X is teaching a university class this semester, because, I can only assume, he has decided that sleep is for the weak. Naturally it is my job to smooth his way through the bureaucratic nightmare, me having had so much experience working in the nightmare itself, which led to the following … Continue reading
I cannot feed on people to survive! [Sees person. Eats person.] Augh!
When Anne Rice writes the plot and Elton John writes the music, I dunno, maybe some mental alarm bells should go off. Nevertheless, Michele and I cheerfully coughed up $40 apiece for back-row seats at Lestat.
I am hungry.
My work friend, accusingly: Did you remember to eat lunch? Me: Yes. WF: What did you have? Me: A barracuda…steak… WF: … Me: And a tomato. WF: Where did– Me: And a pie! WF: What kind of pie? Me: Whole pie. WF: What kind of pie? Me, angrily: A whole pie! WF: … Me, amused: … Continue reading
This is the way the semester ends, this is the way the semester ends, this is the way the semester ends
Interior monologue on my way to class tonight: This is the last time I will ever walk shivering past the History building, the last time to call Michele next to the painted bench, this is the last time I will decide against getting a coffee from the cart to warm my fingers up, this is … Continue reading
In need
Do you have a copy of Orlando by Virginia Woolf? If so I would love to borrow it before Thursday. I loaned mine to a friend in my class so he could read it over Thanksgiving break and the little bounder skipped the class after the break. So now I have no Orlando for my … Continue reading
Our Lady of the Bottom
Me: Sister Mary Posterior, all us nuns have gotten together and realized that we want YOU to be our new Mother Superior. Me: Oh, girls! I’m just flabbergasted. I don’t know quite what to say. It seems much too lofty a position for your old friend Sister Posterior. Me: No, Sister. You cannot turn this … Continue reading
In search of a comma
I’ve started a list of things that are on loan to other people, because I am getting tired of waking up one morning and thinking, for example, “Hey, what happened to my copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves?” I know I loaned that to one of you, possibly Sean or Dianna, but I cannot remember … Continue reading