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Ice Beetles

For unimportant reasons, I spent a little time considering ice beetles today. Now, on the one hand, nobody cares about ice beetles. On the other hand, I do think that any uninteresting thing sounds much more interesting if you add a climatic phenomenon to it. Consider: Hurricane lamps Lava lamps Snow shoes Storm drains Sun … Continue reading »

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Adam has a conversation with a stranger in Vegas

“Okay, we’ve been watching you, and I had to come over and ask: one guy and seven girls. How are you doing that? I mean, I’m here with my bachelor party. What is this?” “My bachelor party.” “…” [To his friends] “You guys suck.”

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In Vegas, beauty equals currency. Beautiful women jump to the front of the lines. Men buy them drinks. They don’t pay the cover charge. As an ordinary woman, you start to think in terms of big changes to be made, weight to lose and hair products to buy. You too want to be first in … Continue reading »

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Here Comes Trouble

Adam: So…why aren’t you coming to Vegas, again? Gene: I think I like to do different things at Vegas than this crew will. Vegas is about vice. It’s about drinking and gambling and tits. It’s about getting into trouble. Kris: You don’t think that combining drinking, strippers and your girlfriend on the same trip would … Continue reading »

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Onion rings

I ventured into darkest Tenderloin yesterday and passed a strip club that offered to host your bachelor party or your divorce celebration. I wonder how many weddings have been called off thanks to one drunken conversation between a groom-to-be and his divorced counterpart on the other side. The Loin smells like unwashed human, but also … Continue reading »

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Reading about bees

In the winter, mice climb into commercial beehives. The hives are warm and in the cold weather the bees are drowsy and not inclined to sting a fuzzy little intruder. The mice build their nests there in the hives and feed on the honeycombs while they raise their babies among the bees. I love to … Continue reading »

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I went to the beach with my parents today. Always a delight to watch them together. After years of practice, they operate in perfect synchronization even when arguing. When I was young, I assumed I was the purpose of this two-part machine, but now that I’m grown up it’s clear that the machine exists for … Continue reading »

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Rilke Schmilke

If every angel is terrifying then what word is left to describe my zit?

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While waiting for the light to change, I saw an archer coming down Church Street in full regalia. He carried a longbow and a quiver of arrows, and wore a leather ensemble worthy of Robin Hood. I stood grinning and watching, watching and grinning, wondering why no one else was looking twice. He walked behind … Continue reading »

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A Nite Out

There’s a banner in the Castro Street station that advises people to visit the San Francisco Ballet for what the banner calls “A Nite Out!” It’s the ballet. If even the ballet cannot summon the snobbish wherewithal to spell “night” correctly, can there be a corner of this texting, chattering world that is safe for … Continue reading »

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