Author Archives: didofoot
Valentine: A Retrospective
We all agree: boys have a hard time figuring out what to get their girlfriends for Valentine’s Day. And girlfriends everywhere are baffled by this. Guys, it’s so easy. If it’s pretty, soft, fragrant, tasty, expensive, sexy or shiny, it’s good. If it’s something you would get your dad, it’s bad. Girls, it’s so easy. … Continue reading
Like a simile
The champagne experiment was a success. Get your inner critic a little drunk and he rolls over like a big dumb dog. I’ve recently realized that “like a big dumb dog” is my favorite simile. I use it all the time. When abroad: “You can tell Californians from other Americans. A Californian is like a … Continue reading
Why not me
You spend seven days working on your paying jobs and when you return to the book your inner critic has used seven days to rejuvenate and is up and running like a Yamaha. How to shut him up? Might a mimosa help? Many great authors were drunks why not me. Sorry Gene I drank the … Continue reading
13
It is Friday the 13th. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I foresee a lot of last-minute plans having unlucky results.
Ice Beetles
For unimportant reasons, I spent a little time considering ice beetles today. Now, on the one hand, nobody cares about ice beetles. On the other hand, I do think that any uninteresting thing sounds much more interesting if you add a climatic phenomenon to it. Consider: Hurricane lamps Lava lamps Snow shoes Storm drains Sun … Continue reading
Adam has a conversation with a stranger in Vegas
“Okay, we’ve been watching you, and I had to come over and ask: one guy and seven girls. How are you doing that? I mean, I’m here with my bachelor party. What is this?” “My bachelor party.” “…” [To his friends] “You guys suck.”
Vegas
In Vegas, beauty equals currency. Beautiful women jump to the front of the lines. Men buy them drinks. They don’t pay the cover charge. As an ordinary woman, you start to think in terms of big changes to be made, weight to lose and hair products to buy. You too want to be first in … Continue reading
Here Comes Trouble
Adam: So…why aren’t you coming to Vegas, again? Gene: I think I like to do different things at Vegas than this crew will. Vegas is about vice. It’s about drinking and gambling and tits. It’s about getting into trouble. Kris: You don’t think that combining drinking, strippers and your girlfriend on the same trip would … Continue reading
Onion rings
I ventured into darkest Tenderloin yesterday and passed a strip club that offered to host your bachelor party or your divorce celebration. I wonder how many weddings have been called off thanks to one drunken conversation between a groom-to-be and his divorced counterpart on the other side. The Loin smells like unwashed human, but also … Continue reading
Reading about bees
In the winter, mice climb into commercial beehives. The hives are warm and in the cold weather the bees are drowsy and not inclined to sting a fuzzy little intruder. The mice build their nests there in the hives and feed on the honeycombs while they raise their babies among the bees. I love to … Continue reading