Tagged With: Dumb Kris
It’s the headband one, right?
Gene: Wanna watch First Blood? Kris: No. Gene: Do you know what it is? Kris: No. Gene: It’s the first Rambo movie. You have to see the first one or you can’t see the others. Kris: I don’t really need to see them. I feel I know everything I need to know about Rambo. Gene: … Continue reading
All I’m saying
I’m just saying, it’s possible that a breed of catfish has evolved to where it can swim through air instead of water, so if that thought comes into your mind it’s not completely crazy to scoot your chair back and check under the table to ensure no air-swimming catfish are flopping up to rub their … Continue reading
Sugar and milk
I quit drinking coffee over the weekend. I lasted about fifteen minutes before giving in and rushing back to the coffee maker, filling it and switching it on and hanging all over it in a blubbering mess of gratitude and apology. “Why would you quit?” Jack asked, astonished, when I told him later. “I don’t … Continue reading
And I’m afraid nobody here can help you.
You are a solitary person, and I’m afraid nobody here can help you. You like to be on your own. As a teen, you wandered the darkened streets of your neighborhood, a second-hand trench coat wrapped around your shoulders and your fingers wrapped around an old kazoo you kept in your pocket. Your friends mostly … Continue reading
Books versus birds
Yesterday I spent a long time sitting on the floor of Green Apple and considering whether Deirde Bair’s biography of Simone de Beauvoir was worth $6 to me. I really liked her biography of Anais Nin. And having this on my shelf might make me look smarter. But in the end, $6 just seemed like … Continue reading
A pre-emptive strike
“I really hate that ice cream you bought,” the Lad told me last night. “Yeah,” I said, “but it’s not coffee flavored like we thought; I checked.” “What flavor is it?” “It’s mocha flavored,” I said, and for the next few seconds I was treated to one of the Lad’s rare ‘you’re so stupid I’m … Continue reading
Impressing the boss’s wife and other smooth moves
The Lad and I went to his office holiday party last night and had an excellent time. I know, because I woke up still drunk. Even as the gussying-up beforehand is often the best part of an event, the post-party conversation the next morning is always enjoyably illuminating. Lad: I’m trying to remember if we … Continue reading
Girlfriend’s book much, much bigger than boyfriend’s book
San Francisco resident K. Larson announced yesterday that she has begun reading The Sherlock Holmes Treasury. “This book has six hundred and eight pages,” Larson told reporters. “My boyfriend’s book only has four hundred and five, and that’s including the index.” The woman’s boyfriend is reputedly reading Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion, a dense, fact-filled … Continue reading
Syntax Holmes
Yesterday I jumped into Sherlock Holmes for the first time, and ever since then I’ve been splashing around happily like a large dog looking for a thrown stick in a lake but not especially caring if she finds it. I did find this: the wind cried and sobbed like a child in the chimney. I … Continue reading
The other side of my job
Given the high level of responsibility of everyone around here, I sometimes wonder if it is hard not to hate the girl whose job it is to sit peeling tape off the old keys.