Hot

It’s roasting in San Francisco, sweltering in our apartment. In twenty minutes I’ll be sprawled in Dolores Park consuming smelly cheeses and clandestine beer, but in the meantime I’m here, absorbed in studying the way I abandon myself to this heat.

I sit with one leg curled under me, the other bent against my chest, one arm resting on the desk, one wrapped around a leg. Folded like this, as complex as fine origami, I am able to study from nearly all angles my body’s fascinating obedience to the weather. I have sweat behind the knees, errant hairs falling limp from my up-do onto the back of my neck, and a gradual loosening of all tension in my limbs. A hot day is a sauna, a stylist and a massage all in one.

“You are affected by the weather more than anyone I know,” Maggie once wrote to me. She’s quite right. I can feel the heat of the day ready to bear me up like a giant palm; I feel I could fall backwards and it would catch me. On a day like this, I could jump out my window and stick in the air like a cherry caught in a jello mold.

I am almost sorry (but not really) to be meeting friends and beers in the park. Heat like this is too solemn to be social.

On the other hand, smelly cheese!

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Watching Star Trek with my robot

Deanna Troi awakens from a mysterious coma. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Picard asks her urgently. She considers for a moment.

“My hair,” she says.

“She’s YOU,” Gene says to me in awe.

“Maybe she and Data should date,” I say.

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Forks road trip: the living dead

We used the bathroom and bought chips at a gas station in one of the numberless three-building towns on Highway 101. As we left, the woman behind the counter dully called out “See you soon.”

See you soon?

“If we were in a horror movie,” I said as we pulled away, “that would mean ‘See you soon, because my zombie friends have set up an ambush for you just down the road and you’ll shortly be turned into a walking corpse like the rest of us.’ ”

“Yup,” said Michele.

“Fortunately, like every character in every horror movie ever made, I do not believe I am a character in a horror movie,” I said.

“Yup,” said Michele.

Fortunately, we were not ambushed by zombies, unless you count the Virgin Mary girl with the cell phone. Pictures of us not being ambushed are here, here and here, thanks to Michele.

And here is a snapshot of me and Strawberry writing at our hotel on the banks of the Rogue. Strawberry really is that tiny, and my hands really are that big.

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Forks road trip: roadside assistance

On the road from Queets, Michele and I stopped to assist a woman who’d skidded her car into a ditch. Neither of us is much accustomed to offering roadside assistance so the stop had an adventurous flair. The girl who’d had the accident was large and encased in a Barbie-pink sweatshirt that featured a picture of the Virgin Mary; she stayed on her cell phone the whole time we were there, talking loudly and hysterically to several family members who seemed reluctant to come pick her up. We gave her some Tylenol for a slight burn on her hand, but after about fifteen minutes the adventurous feeling wore off and we moved on, feeling awkward. She barely noticed our departure.

“I hope she’ll be okay,” I said. “She kept pressing her hand against the asphalt to cool it off.”

“Seriously?” Michele said. “Yuck.”

“Yeah. I hope it doesn’t get infected or something. But even if she loses the use of one hand, it probably won’t affect her driving at all.”

“…”

“…”

“Too soon,” Michele said.

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Hanging out with my cousins

21st century parenting:

“Take my picture!” Nolan demanded. “No, with this.” He took away Zoe’s camera and handed her the iPhone. She obligingly took the picture. “Now Facebook it,” he said.

21st century cousining:

“So, do kids bring computers to school?” I asked.

“No,” he said, looking up at me oddly.

“What about cell phones? Does everyone have a cell phone? Everyone has personal electronics?”

“I’m in second grade,” he said, which I guess means no.

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Out in the world

Irony.

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Irony.

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Some flowers.

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Weird looking dog.

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Save this paper?

The day I don’t see a Chronicle headline about child abuse or child murder will be the day I know the paper has finally gone under.

I have an idea for how to save our fast-dying daily: give it a new tagline. Some suggestions:

The San Francisco Chronicle: ferreting out every grisly story about bad stuff happening to kids. So you don’t have to.

The San Francisco Chronicle: Because Edward Gorey won’t be writing any more books.

The San Francisco Chronicle: Scaring parents away from the city since 1885, so you can eat your brunch in peace.

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Spring Makeover

Blow-dry hair.

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Tanning booth.

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Plenty of rest.

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Healthful exercise.

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Exfoliate feet with baseball diamond.

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More makeover tips.

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Lovejoy’s

Went to Lovejoy’s Attic in idle search of a teapot, having broken the one Christine and Adam gave me. The store is tiny but charming, like Tinkerbell, and smells of citrus tea and the faint disapproving mustiness of doilies. The best part is, you can go in the shop’s second room, out of sight of everyone, and try on white kid gloves and examine tea sets for little girls and read a book about Waldorf salads without feeling at all self-conscious.

Trying and failing to imagine a life for myself where I would regularly need placecard holders shaped like tiny silver teapots or heavy crowns. Granted, I am still not sure what my life is going to be about, but I doubt placecards will play a significant role.

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Mrrow?

Woke up with a cold staring me in the face like a cat I forgot to feed. Outside, a protest has been going on for two solid hours; my neighbor’s roofers slam their hammers in bone-juddering syncopation; the cars roll by with a constant swish-swish-swish like wind in the pines. At last, enough noise to work by.

It’s a good morning. Cat-cold be damned.

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