General
Y cladd in mightie armes and siluer shielde
I enrolled for classes the first minute I was allowed to do it, but still my Syntax class was already full. However, I was first on the waitlist and I am a graduating senior. My enrollment was a shoe-in. Weirdly the ten thousand other people packing into the classroom on Tuesday night seemed to think … Continue reading
I can see for miles and miles from up here on this horse
The longer I work with educators, the more I realize why Americans are making stupidized with the English languagings. I keep being handed documents to type which make my English-lit-studyin’ heart want to break. These educators do the most awful things to words. They add an “s” to a verb to make it a noun–i.e. … Continue reading
James and the giant vocabulary
After years of avoiding him, I’m finally taking James Joyce for a spin. I made the decision once I’d exhausted all my Trollope. After he limped off the floor, I was looking around for a partner and there was James, as usual, sitting shyly against the wall on an uncomfortable folding shelf, watching me eagerly. … Continue reading
In brief
My cell rings. I glance at my caller ID, see that it is my friend from work, and answer thusly: “Idiot.” [Stunned silence.] “This way,” I explain, “the conversation can only get better from here.”
Run mad as often as you chuse
Last night the Lad and I found ourselves at Slim’s for the Dick Dale show. Once the opener, Thirsty, had cleared out and most of the heavy metal fans had left or faded to the back, the Lad and I were suddenly surrounded by men in their 50’s; men with grizzled hair and Hawaiian shirts … Continue reading
A Didofoot was pricking on the plaine…
I bought my books for my fall classes today, so now I’m a little nervous. For half of my swan song at State I’ll be taking “The Structure of Language,” a course the English department chairman actually warned me away from. “It’s a syntax course,” he said doubtfully. What, do I have a big neon … Continue reading
Tales from the darkest Mission
One of the companies that shares our office is run by a man named Temp. “Were your parents expecting a more permanent child to come along later or something?” I asked, but weirdly he did not think this was very funny. There is a conference of math teachers meeting here this week and the hipster-looking … Continue reading
That’ll do, pig
I walk around the Mission surrounded by girls shaped like good asparagus. Vegans, the lot of them. Don’t they have to be? How else do you achieve that level of fleshlessness? These girls answer the question of who could possibly wear that sack you saw hanging at the back of Goodwill or Anthropologie and make … Continue reading
I just need one anecdote, just to get me through the day
I lost my sense of humor sometime last night. I’m not sure exactly when, but I woke up this morning and it was definitely gone. It’s weird because I didn’t do much yesterday — usually this stuff disappears with your cellphone or car keys when you’re drunk as a skunk in the Mission. Could it … Continue reading
Pain in the face
Last night I dreamed I was shot in the tongue. Then the doctor who fixed me up tried to molest me. In both cases, a question of speaking out or not. There was no pain in the dream when I was tongue-shot, but then I don’t remember much pain in real life when I pierced … Continue reading