General
Global warning
Sometimes my liberal friends tell me about meeting people who do not believe global warming is a real thing. And then we all make fun of them. But we liberals DO believe it is a real thing, and we still don’t make any inconvenient lifestyle changes. So who is stupid now?
John Wayne be damned: a hero should be needy
At first, like everyone who watches The Office, I was drawn to Jim. Tall, rangy, witty and with an extremely malleable face, Jim was everything I look for in a television crush. But soon I began to realize my true love for Toby. Yes, he is balding and is 40 years old, but Toby is … Continue reading
Single mother gets hers
Grateful nation breathes sigh of relief After three days of hard deliberations, a federal judge ordered Jammie Thomas to pay $222,000 for her crimes against the music industry. Thomas, a single mother, was identified as a prominent ringleader of a music-downloading crime ring located on her computer. There were no other members of the crime … Continue reading
Surefire cure for the blues
1. Open window. 2. Sit in window. Do not fall out, no matter how blue you are feeling. 3. Blow bubbles out window. (Requires bubbles.) 4. Watch fighter jets. (Requires Fleet Week, or a war zone.) 5. Blow more bubbles.
Near, far, near, far
I’ve been freelancing for a little over a year now, and I’ve decided that the toughest part of this job is measuring my own progress. In admin work, it’s easy. You judge your day’s success based on whether or not you reacted to things. When the copier broke down today, did you fix it, or … Continue reading
All I’m saying
I’m just saying, it’s possible that a breed of catfish has evolved to where it can swim through air instead of water, so if that thought comes into your mind it’s not completely crazy to scoot your chair back and check under the table to ensure no air-swimming catfish are flopping up to rub their … Continue reading
And he won’t come out (still)
Since writing my poem about the pantry, I’ve had a lot of people come to the house, walk into the kitchen, blink once and say “Oh. He really is in the pantry.” Yes. Gene’s computer is set up in the tiny nook in the kitchen where we previously kept the garbage. The fruit basket hangs … Continue reading
Marzipan
Buffy: That’ll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo! Gene: What does that mean? Me: She’s a robot. Gene: I KNEW it! Me: No, not normally. Just in this episode Buffy is a robot. Gene: Oh. Me: Silly bingo.
Book sale
The San Francisco Library Book Sale is coming up next week, and I have cleared my “pending” shelf in preparation. Even so, we’re almost out of book room in this apartment. I’ve filled the shelf on my nightstand, moved all my photo albums into my closet to make room, I’m using the end tables…if I … Continue reading
I learned how to get along
I am writing an article about a rally being held just outside my house. I was all set to start my article when they started singing “I Will Survive.” Now I cannot stop singing “I Will Survive” in the style of Cake,* tapping my nails against the keyboard and grooving my head around. I wish … Continue reading