Author Archives: didofoot
Not for long, Pie Man.
Not since the J. Peterman catalogue have I been so tempted to buy merchandise just for the sake of its fantastic copy. Or maybe this isn’t that good, and I’m slipping. Either way, I am the world’s best grandma and I want to eat pie.
Thanksgiving Again
Despite my having written thousands of letters to my congressional representative, America elected to hold Thanksgiving again. Obviously, this is not my favorite holiday because the central dish is meat meat meat and I am a vegetarian. I mean, not a literal vegetarian, because I do eat meat, but I am a vegetarian in my … Continue reading
Excerpts from Chris Isaak’s Diary
June 1, 2002 I woke up this morning and it was raining. I mean, not actually raining outside, because it’s summer, but it was raining in my heart. And everything was black like a bruise. You fooled me with your ruse. Hey, that’s pretty good, that could be a new song. And maybe for the … Continue reading
Living alone
I haven’t been sick in three years. But sometimes I need a little self-administered TLC, so on Wednesday night after class I pretended I was sick. I rubbed my throat a lot and pretended it was painful to swallow and made myself a big mug of Theraflu and put on my flannel pajamas and watched … Continue reading
“If wearing a deflated inner tube as a skirt makes me gay, I don’t wanna be straight.”
Happy birthday, Don of my heart.
If taking a bath with three other women makes me gay, I don’t wanna be straight.
I recently had the opportunity to spend a few days in a enormous room filled with dead, taxidermized animals. Christine’s father hunts big game like it’s going out of style (which it is, pretty much, at least in my set). His den is the size of a University lecture hall and filled with all manner … Continue reading
Last one at the kiddie table
My 23 year old coworker is pregnant. Today I am beginning my campaign. I will send the Lad listings for two-person apartments. Scrawled across them will be the word “WHEN?”
My android saves the day
Friday night: my android is walking over to the Lad’s house along darkest Noe Street. An SUV zips into the intersection without looking and stops just in time to avoid the pedestrian in the crosswalk ahead of my android. The pedestrian remains in the crosswalk, incensed and shouting. The SUV passengers and driver all shout … Continue reading
Killing weevils for Jesus
Once again I find myself somewhere in the Midwest, hiding in a dusty hayloft from the gun-slinging representatives of my mortal enemies, the Yakuza. But nothing can stop the tireless clattering of my keyboard in pursuit of a few small paragraphs to brighten the days of my faithful readers. Okay, faithful reader. Hi, Mom. As … Continue reading
Halloween
Award for costume that made me laugh the most goes to Christine as the Indie 500: More pictures here.