Author Archives: didofoot
You thought he went to South America…
But in fact he was loved up and turned into a toad. Happy birthday, Bunny!
Problem with MT and a blast from the past
Jacob and I found a potential problem with MT last night, and here is the amusing story to go along with it: I was idly obsessively checking my stats when I noticed I was being linked to by a page I’d never heard of which was not spam or a search engine. Naturally, I went … Continue reading
Kim is queen
(Along with KTV.) Happy birthday, Kimmity Kim.
In which she faces the music and waltzes
I had a long, serious meeting with my cowboy boss this morning. I was scheduled to meet with my professor boss in the afternoon and tell him the whole horrible truth about his brand new shiny deficit of ($249,000). “Will he be mad, do you think?” I wondered. “Oh yeah,” said the cowboy. “Will he … Continue reading
Two unconnected paragraphs
They wanted to put our new techie, a friendly, ponytailed warhorse, into the cubicle next to me in the office I share with my four other female coworkers. My cowboy boss, resisting this attempt to pasture a foreign bull with his cows, decided instead to give his private office to the techie and move into … Continue reading
After the show
this smudged black handstamp delivers today’s coffee postmarked from last night haiku.
Not every bricklayer is a hero
Kids who bring guns to school are now officially classified as terrorists. I imagine this linguistic crime is committed by those pale-complected men who spend their time in beige rooms, inscrutable, cigar-smoking, with the English language bent stuttering and scared over a table in front of them while they perform on her the unthinkable. And … Continue reading
Exploiting my correspondence for material
At random I opened Anna Akhmatova’s poems today. Sleeping under a slip of paper which bore your old (760) and three-pronged name were these lines: For one moment of peace here I would give up the grave’s peace. I have always used books as my oracles in this way. If a yarrow stick or a … Continue reading
Phenomenal Cosmic Landscapes
Update: Pictures of our trip are here. I decided that after I die, when I am asked by a celestial government worker whether I have a preference in re: my next life, I will request to be a member of the Ahwaneechee tribe in Yosemite about a hundred years before the white people came. Hopefully … Continue reading
In which I fuck up and wake up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m. every morning for two months straight wondering what on earth I’m going to do
Due to my professional incompetence, I’ve been spending the last few months at work trying to magically create $200,000 where no $200,000 existed before. Today, butting my horns against a looming deadline, I finally swallowed my terror and consulted my cowboy boss on how to go about this. I managed to get him into my … Continue reading