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Posted by on September 30, 2008

I woke up really wanting to kill something this morning. (The Moms, reading this, will be SO delighted that I am coming to dinner today.) I’ve been in a foul mood all day, which fortunately I was able to take out on Gene quite a bit early on, but it’s still there. And I’ve been working this week, which generally lightens my mood, so I don’t know why I feel like squeezing the life out of someone just to watch him die. But there you have it.

What I’m thinking I’d like to do is this:

Get a lot of belts, like maybe three hundred or four hundred belts, which I am pretty sure can be strapped together by putting the buckle of one belt over the last hole on the next belt and like that. Make two looong belts.

Get someone to cut down all the many trees I can see from my window and make them into two giant log platforms for me. Ideally this person would be motivated by fear of me; I’d like to threaten someone today, and maybe slap them around a little.

Loop the belts around the platforms and secure them with some kind of adhesive, probably lots and lots of nails. Make a foothold on each platform, maybe by nailing one ski to each where I can slip my feet into the bindings. Secure the platforms to my legs with the belt straps.

Stomp around smashing buildings and people into a city-sized mush.

She’s doing it wrong, but this is the general idea:


But since I don’t think I could find that many belts, I’m just going to work some more and maybe eat a pear.

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