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Lie to get laid

Posted by on September 12, 2008

Katy forwarded an article to me this morning entitled “Gals, Prep Your Pad for a Date.” I especially like it when compared to the companion article, “Guys: Is Your Place Female-Friendly?”.

Advice for the ladies seems to focus on hiding the less attractive parts of who you are. For example, don’t display your porcelain figurine collection, even if you really love it. Instead, replace it with something that tells your date who you are, like JAZZ CDS AND ART SUPPLIES. (In other words, make sure your shelves help make you into someone he can fantasize about — even if it is completely foreign to who you are and what you like.) And don’t keep stuffed animals or tea sets (tea sets?) in your bedroom, or he’ll think you’ve got a little girl complex, which is sick. Instead, let him “accidentally” find the stuffed animal you hid in the bedroom, making him think you have a secret little girl complex, which is hot.

For guys, advice is mostly: don’t paper the walls with pictures of your ex-girlfriends, and don’t be a filthy pig. It seems a little…obvious? And less insulting? But maybe I’m wrong, and this advice is just as bad. I mean, if your ex-girlfriend really IS your central interest, then of course you should display that. Ditto for filth. But I notice no one is telling guys to fill their fridge with “welcoming snacks like […] Brie and apples.”

My favorite part of all this is that there’s a person that people can hire who comes to their homes to help them get ready for a date. If you are insecure about your ability to be insecure, you can now hire a professional to come in and do it for you.

Finally, Katy on the guy article:

“Women don’t roll out of bed looking like they do on dates, so keep a bar of soap on hand.” […] I just don’t want to date someone so pre-social they don’t have soap already, before the “pad expert” came to their house.

4 Responses to Lie to get laid

  1. michele

    nod. i give katy props for this find and you for the funny posting of it. two thumbs up all around, ladies.

  2. sean

    How do women feel about bare white walls and a pile of unironed shirts in the bedroom?

  3. michele

    unimpressed? but you have a lot of books, interesting clutter, photos, knick-knacks and things. you might be OK.

  4. didofoot

    I rarely iron anything, and I am mistrustful of guys who are neater than I am. I prefer guys who can walk into my home and say “Wow, you keep it so clean!” without irony.

    Iron – irony! Get it? Nope, me neither.

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