ME: Why is the internet so slow?
GENE: Here, I can fix that.
ME: Can you move this light?
GENE: [Moves heavy light the requisite one foot.]
ME: Why didn’t my email forward right? What is wrong?
GENE: I’ll take a look.
ME: Stupid Gmail. Stupid computer. I hate this fucking computer!
GENE: Click “show quoted text.”
ME: DO SOMETHING WRONG, DAMMIT!