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Free soda films

Posted by on March 19, 2007

Michele and I saw The Mistress of Spices on Saturday. It was another one of those films about a woman who has a magical connection to a specific kind of food, and she uses this food to alter the lives of those around her (i.e. Like Water For Chocolate, Chocolat). These movies resonate with me, because I am one of these women myself. I too have a magical connection to a specific kind of food: the food that has been prepared by others. I think it’s about time somebody made the movie of my life; they can call it The Mistress of Takeout.

Here are some small excerpts from the script:

As a young girl, the Mistress of Takeout was trained in the secrets of her art…

The Moms: A Mistress of Takeout has the power to speak to Chinese, Japanese, and Indian cuisine, and hears the secrets of the pizzas. When properly trained, she can order a large Mediterranean-style, and the adolescent on the phone will not need to ask her which style of crust she prefers. The tone of her voice alone will tell him.

Me: Ooh.

The Mistress of Takeout is sent to a remote town to use her skills for the benefit of others…

Michele: I have a fourteen page paper due tomorrow.

Me: Let us order mu shu pork, for critical thinking, and sweet and sour chicken, to help you express your thoughts. Also, ordering two entrees earns us a free order of fried rice.

Michele: Ooh.

Me: And do not neglect to obtain extra plum sauce. For an A grade.

But one day the Mistress of Takeout finds forbidden love with [her sister’s husband/a gypsy/Dylan McDermott/the Lad]. Will her food powers desert her?…

Lad: Let’s move in together.

Me: Let us celebrate by ordering breakfast at Luna, a nearby restaurant.


Me: Takeout, why have you forsaken me!

In the end, the Mistress of Takeout is united with her love by eating [candles/chocolate/pepper/pizza from Marcello’s]…

Me: I am [consumed in a fire/very happy]!

Lad: I too am [consumed in a fire/very happy]!

Me: Let us order cake from Sweet Inspirations to celebrate!


Me: Thank you, Takeout!

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