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From humble beginnings we built our empire

Posted by on September 27, 2006

Today is our fourth anniversary, rather arbitrarily calculated at this point but better than nothing.

In celebration of this, we’re going to sundae ourselves into food comas tonight at Fenton’s, which was the site of our very first date — except it was a different Fenton’s, which was possibly a Leatherby’s at the time, and it was our first-first date, not our most recent first date. Still, there is important symbolism here somewhere, even if you have to dig into the couch cushions of my brain to find it.

That first date, when we were 14 and 15 respectively, was exciting in lots of ways. The Lad, upon discovering how uncomfortable I was eating around others, refused to order anything and instead insisted on staring at me while I ate. It was around this time I thought “this might be someone I’d enjoy being mildly abused by for the rest of my life.” After the ice cream, we saw Guarding Tess in the Dome, then had our first kiss just outside. (“I’m going to hug you now,” I explained, moving in for the kill, “so that I don’t have to hug you while my mom is here,” a line I have used with varying success throughout my dating career.)

In conclusion I’d like to present you with a quote from Guarding Tess that I feel sums up much of our past years of relationship drama, if you substite “the Lad” for “Tess” and “Didofoot” for “the President.”

Tess: The President is coming […]. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?

Let us take a moment to reflect not on the miracle of our love, but on the miracle of an internet that will provide us with quotes even from a movie as shitty as this one.

6 Responses to From humble beginnings we built our empire

  1. tracy

    Happy fourth anniversary, you two!! mmmmmmm, fentons. peppermint candy ice cream, please.

  2. sean

    This scene from Guarding Tess makes me think of you and The Lad, except mostly just The Lad. The Lad is still Tess in this scene, you are Bob Hutcherson, and the baby peas are olives:

    Tess Carlisle: It’s got no price at all.

    Bob Hutcherson: Yes ma’am. Uh, Doug, this is Bobby in canned goods, are you anywhere near the manager? I need a price check on Lesieur baby peas, repeat, Lesieur baby peas.

    Doug Chesnic: Lesieur baby peas.

    Store Manager: They’re on special today, two for .59.

    Bob Hutcherson: Uh, copy that, it’s two for .59.

    Tess Carlisle: But I only want one.

    Bob Hutcherson: Uh, roger that, Doug, but she only wants one.

    Doug Chesnic: How much for just one?

    Store Manager: The same. It’s a two for one thing.

    Doug Chesnic: Uh, Bobby, it’s a two for one thing so I suggest you go ahead and get both.

  3. didofoot

    I have a scene I also meant to quote from the sequel, “Guarding Gene [from Sean’s insidious attempts to send expired food home with him to be put in our fridge]”:

    Gene: It’s got no price at all.

    Sean: Yes, and it’s all for you.

    Kris: It’s rotten lettuce.

    Sean: I can throw in this DFW book you haven’t read.

    Kris: Take the lettuce, boy. Sean, you’ve got a deal.

    Gene: It’s a thousand pages.

    Kris: It’s clever.

    Gene: It’s written in Sumarian.

    Kris: It’s hip.

    Gene: The footnotes are actually subtitles for the entire book.

    Kris: You want that salad or not?

    Sean: Thank you, good night.

  4. matt

    Did you guys get the giant $10 free T-shirt sundaes? Man, I want one of those. I need to reclaim my honour.

  5. michele

    i do not know what t-shirt sundaes matt is talking about and thus feel i missed out on some delicious ice cream peccadillo in my youth. but i do like “guarding gene…” the sequel a lot and your ice-cream flavored love and friendships.

  6. justin

    I have a pin-up girl on my back thats based on the girl you have on your back. I found the picture in an old calendar. Just randomly happened upon your page and thought Id share that.

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