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Oh, Egon!

Posted by on March 16, 2006

In a thoroughly unexpected turn of events, my company really seems to want me to come back to them after this little jaunt. It will depend on their budget issues, but it’s possible I have a job waiting for me when I get home.

This raises some issues I’m not comfortable examining. For example, what kind of a company lets its receptionist take a two month leave of absence with no repercussions? Any retarded monkey can answer the phone, so what exactly am I providing that they are so desparate to keep? And if I am that great, why are they paying me so little? (I think those last two questions really answer each other, actually.) I’m sort of hoping they change their minds about the whole thing, since I was really looking forward to being unemployed in the summer months. I’m pushing my limits now — taking long lunches, complaining a little louder, leaving dead squid on executives’ chairs — in an effort to get un-re-hired.

I’m also looking a little more desperately at my other options. Michele has suggested we should get master’s degrees in library science, but I don’t know. Apart from the $8,000 and the two more years of schooling, I’m concerned that being an actual librarian might push me right over the edge. Right now I am very nerdy and, let’s be honest, very ridiculously attractive. Now is there anything hotter than a hot librarian? Conversely, is there anything nerdier? I could fall right over into being both too hot and too nerdy to even exist. I guess I will just remain a secretary, since there’s nothing remotely hot or nerdy about that.

16 Responses to Oh, Egon!

  1. michele

    i submitted my fafsa today! i am going to be the nerdiest/hottest librarian EVER.

    at least the pay for being a librarian is a lot more than being a secretary. and it has more books.

  2. holohan

    My old roommate is getting her Master’s Degree in liberry science, so I can connect you with someone who knows the score. She also took pinup pictures of herself (well, had them taken by a friend anyway) one day while I was at work, so she can tell you about being a sexy liberrian I’m sure.

    I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies?

    (I collect spores, mold, and fungus.)

  3. michele

    where is she getting her degree from?

  4. holohan

    Cal State Fullerton.

  5. docta v

    why exactly do you need librarians when the text of every book is indexed by google?

    p.s. good post

  6. holohan

    You need librarians to

    (1) Defend our privacy against the federal government.

    (2) Compete against nuns in corporate spelling bees.

    (3) Tell people in libraries to hesh up.

    (4) Be sexy.

  7. didofoot

    you need librarians as long as there are tenured professors who arbitrarily decide to include a “3 or more references must be from actual books in the actual library” requirement on the term paper. retardo professors I guess is what I mean. and speaking as a future librarian, I say retardos number one forever.

  8. Dianna

    Or, god forbid, scholarly journals. Gulp.

    What’s with this proliferation of future librarians lately? I guess this means I need to make up my mind whether I’m planning on doing the MLS or sticking with the non-museum archaeology stuff, since I’m evidently going to be competing with you guys for jobs. In Seattle, probably. And I think Michele has a leg up on us both, what with having one extra master’s degree already. So we’d better plan on cranking up the sexy aspect if we want to have a chance.

  9. michele

    you both have much better legs than me. you will look way hotter in the 4 inch spike heels and stockings with the seam up the back. though i, at least, already own glasses, so i’m one leg up on you there. ha! leg.

    um, also i will only be competing for jobs in asian focused archives or small university libraries and you will probably not be going for those. so maybe we don’t have to fight at all. we can be friends! friends.

  10. Dianna

    I do own glasses! They’re reading glasses that I don’t need and I can barely walk a straight line with them on, but they worked well in my librarian dominatrix outfit which I wore to work for my last Halloween as a library employee.

    I think I have a slightly different view of the sexy librarian than you, Michele. I just don’t do spike heels — I can’t walk in the damn things and don’t feel sexy while stumbling. I prefer tall boots with tall but hefty heels. And, oh, this copy of Discipline and Punish in my hand? Don’t worry about that; it was just miscatalogued.

  11. michele

    well, you are obviously a dominatrix librarian while i am a sex vixen librarian. kristen, what kind will you be?

  12. didofoot

    maybe i will be the kind of librarian who likes to organize and distribute books.

    though gene successfully proved to me this weekend that in 10 – 20 years digital archiving will be about the only thing that matters and the shepherding of paper books will be a rarified profession. because of digital paper. digital paper! why don’t we just name our first son elroy, i ask you.

  13. gene

    Just a point of clarification. Digital Paper is something different (normal paper with location information coded on it so you can write on it with a special pen and simultaneously draw/wirite on the paper and have it copied in the computer)

    Electronic paper is what I was trying to describe the other day. Sony is making a product that uses it now.

  14. michele

    librarians don’t only sheperd books around. you can do a technological specialization in library and information science which would help you segue nicely into the hovercraft future. plus, 10 to 20 years from now? that’s a fucking long time and a lot of things could change. by the time libraries actually become obsolete we could be dead, retired, or bored of being librarians and looking for a change anyway.

  15. holohan

    Law librarians are masters/mistresses of online legal research. They’re not very sexy, though.

  16. Kristina

    I agree that library science has a future helping people do online research, but just what will be available and in what form is still up in the air. With technological advances, those who (fatly) profit from current technology will always try to use the legal system to prevent what they often (wrongly) view as the imminent death of their fat profits as they become useless relics. The big stink the book world is putting up about the Google archiving project is a perfect example of how short-sighted copyright-holding luddites hold up innovation (which is totally ironic given that copyrights are supposed to “promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts”) and could miss their chance to find ways to get involved and profit when the technology inevitably moves forward without them. The knee-jerk reaction to sue and enjoin companies that attempt to better access to information rather than finding ways to use IP law as leverage in creating profitable working relationships, I think, lacks vision and good sense.

    P.S. Parker Posey is the sexiest, least-nerdy librarian of all time in Party Girl. “We’ll just put the books any damn place we choose!”

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