Hoon?

Idly googling an old boyfriend, I was surprised to actually find him. Even more surprising was that in a picture of four very different-looking people I had absolutely no idea which one he was (although I think he’s the one in the hat). Is it time to stop googling a guy if you can’t even recognize him anymore? I submit that it is not, and will continue to stalk stalk stalk ’til the nursing home staff takes my laptop away.

Despite my outside stalks, the Lad and I remain together, turtleless but happy. I suppose it’s for the best. Couples who use pets as surrogate children are creepy at best, so how many friends would we lose if our “baby” was an enshelled reptile? At least having a dog or a cat semi-prepares you for the madness of child-rearing, in that you have to talk to it and touch it regularly. I can just picture the Lad and I strapping our eventual child’s crib to its eventual back and watching it crawl around. “Look, it can carry its whole house around with it!” we’ll say, probably not using the pronoun ‘it,’ while our forgotten turtle sulks in its glass box. Also, outsiders care how you treat your dog/cat/baby, while you can pretty much microwave your turtle and get away with it.

In other news, we are planning a January trip to London, another thing you can do when you have a turtle but not so easily when you have a baby. We’ll be sleeping on Dan’s floor, who I guess I can no longer refer to as a monk in any sense at all although I am secretly hoping the apartment will be decorated only with a cross and will feature Dan smacking his own head with a Bible while frantically chanting. Because I am insensitive.