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The Press Responds

Posted by on July 8, 2003

This was pulled from a column by foreign war correspondent Dad, written in response to the recent hug sanctions:

Dateline: Dad Nation

Once again your correspondent from this peace ravaged nation has seen another attempt by the Nation of Me to usurp the Gawd given rights of the Nations of Them to engage in the art and craft of hugging. Where oh where will this usurpation of mutual affection find it’s natural boundaries? If this trend continues, this correspondent wonders if the next thing to go will be the smile, and then the wave, and finally the greeting. We fear that soon to be a thing of the past is the familiar “Hey, how the hell are ya, anyway. You look like sometin’s been eatin’ at cher face!” and other jaunty and, yes, shall we say it, warm exchanges between nations.

Early word has reached us that the Nation of The Extended Family is (wait for it) up in arms, ar at least arms akimbo. “More hugs! Maybe some smooches” the poor downtrodden masses in Extendoland have been heard to cry. We nervously await the next confrontation between these two great nations. Will they hug? Will they not hug? Those are the questions. Now, back to you Dan.

2 Responses to The Press Responds

  1. holohan

    i for one plan to organize a massive hug-smuggling cartel. any rogue nations that care to join me are more than welcome.

  2. jade

    The UN has declared it necessary for the Nation of Them to undergo inspections as They are suspected of harboring Hugs of Mass Destruction. Already two persons are in custody for allegedly being capable of using hugs though no evidence of them actually hugging has been found. We will be sure to find it though! And so we must conduct thorough investigations to protect the Nations of You, Me, Us, Everyone and Their Mothers from immenent pre-emptive strikes.

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