Yesterday, the press secretary of the Nation Of Me revealed that sanctions will be placed on nearly all international hug imports. The president has declared that foreign hugs are bankrupting our reservoirs of personal space and aloofness. From now on we will accept hugs from only a few select nations. These nations include the country of the Lad and all close family nations. As for outlying countries, which include all aunts, cousins, drinking buddies and pals, we will maintain our friendly stance, but the hug sanctions will remain in place.
These sanctions come at a time when the hug market has become flooded, until hugs have nearly lost their value in the eyes of consumers. The president has noticed the trend of hugs being brought in under flimsy pretexts, such as parties, lunch dates and family reunions. In addition, the market has been plagued by cheap imitations which masquerade as hugs but actually carry sinister groping intentions into the Nation Of Me. The president feels that the Nation Of Me needs to return to the original meaning of the hug. All hug imports must therefore fall under the headings of sexual aids or outlets for intense emotion before they will be considered for importation.
The president assures the public that the country of me will remain true to its longtime reputation of indiscriminately importing and exporting hugs in times of crisis, however.
Those who persist in attempting to flaunt hug sanctions will be heavily fined and may face charges of rudeness and invasive behavior.
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